What To Do After Getting In a Fight With Your Significant Other

Conflict and arguments are a natural part of any relationship. If there is no disagreement, there isn’t much space to grow closer together and learn how to deal with uncomfortable conversations and situations that will inevitably occur. So, because conflict is going to happen no matter what, it is important to know how to deal with it properly and repair the relationship after a difficult fight or argument. 

Reflect on the part you played in the argument

After a fight with your significant other, it is important to reflect on your role in this argument and others you’ve been in with family members, friends, or past boyfriends/girlfriends.

Everyone handles conflict differently. Some people do whatever they can to avoid disagreement and instantly run at the signs of a fight brewing. Others are more inclined towards conflict and are usually defensive or unintentionally looking for reasons to fight. Either way, there are a lot of unhealthy tendencies when it comes to handling conflict, and it is important to acknowledge your own weaknesses in this area.

Do you tend to smooth things over without addressing the problem just to avoid a fight?

Are you sometimes overly defensive and read too much into your partner’s words?

Are you an overthinker?

Are you ok with confronting problems if they arise?

When you do this work on your own by reflecting, praying, and learning more about yourself, then it will be easier to see in what ways you contributed to the conflict. It will also help you handle the next argument properly, healthily, and with maturity. 

Cultivate humility

The number one virtue you will need when you resolve an argument is humility. After doing some of the work on your own and reflecting on your weaknesses in handling conflict, it will be easier to take responsibility for your faults during the fight. It always takes two people to fight.

Maybe one is more to blame than the other, but relationships are not about calculating who is more to blame. Ask God for the humility to see your mistakes and ways you need to change. This will not be easy, but it will be worth it. Try to honestly acknowledge where you went wrong and prepare to make a proper apology that accepts only your part. Be sure to include everything that is weighing on your conscience in how you treated the other person.

Did you lose your temper?

Was there simply a misunderstanding?

Reflection and prayer will be key in getting the full picture of the situation.

And remember to focus only on your own actions. Your partner will be responsible for theirs. The Sacrament of Confession is also an important step if there are any sins or any confusion weighing on your conscience from the conflict. With the grace of the Sacrament, you will have the strength to face the apology humbly. 

Follow through with the apology

Sometimes it can be tempting to pretend nothing happened. It is less awkward, less humbling, and seems to feel better.

But the apology and genuine reconciliation is the only thing that can bring true peace to your relationship in this situation. If your significant other hasn’t already suggested it, ask to go for a walk or sit somewhere privately, and don’t be afraid to be the first to make the apology; even if you have less to be sorry for. Try your best to maintain a heart of mercy for the other person and don’t withhold forgiveness. I recommend praying together either before or after the apologies.This can help put everything in perspective and give both of you the grace to be merciful and forgiving. Doing this will show that your relationship means more to you than the topic you disagreed on. 

Remember how important they are to you

No matter what the topic or disagreement is, this person is infinitely more important. Always remember that even in the biggest, hardest, most emotional fights, you still have your relationship and your love. Humans make mistakes.

Your love for each other is worth so much more than any disagreement or argument or mistake. At the end of the day, even if you continue to disagree and the problem persists, you still have each other, and no argument is too big to overcome. 

Pay attention to the themes and common tendencies in your relationship

Is there a big topic that you disagree on that needs to be addressed and worked through?

Or maybe you need to agree to disagree if this topic is not a question of fundamental values and won’t affect your relationship or morality. If it is a question of preference and there is no objective morality at stake, sometimes it is ok to prayerfully discern to put the topic aside until you are able to talk about it without arguing. Decide if these disagreements affect the overall goodness, love, and virtue within your relationship. If they don’t, then let them go.

Maintain a loving, merciful, forgiving, and humble heart as much as you can during your reconciliation with your significant other.

Never forget how much you care about the other person, and, if it ever gets hard, ask yourself this: “Is this person or this argument more important to me?”