Now Is the Time to Find Your Truest Allies

What is the key to finding true and lasting friendships?

In a culture so saturated with sex and confused about what is true goodness, it seems impossible for people to be friends, let alone understand what true friendship really is or how to cultivate it. After a great number of years, I am confident that the friendships I have cultivated since my conversion to Christ are honest and true friendships. 

Friendships are unique and special gifts given by God. St. Francis de Sales tells us: “For those who live in the midst of the world and yet strive for true virtue, it is necessary to ally themselves to one another by a holy and sacred friendship through which they stimulate, assist and encourage each other toward good.” 

And what is the highest good but God?

You ought to be selective in who you keep close.

Though it is proper to be kind and loving to all people, those that we choose to share intimate details of our lives with need to be people who will help us to react in charity and love toward any situation, but especially the most difficult. They need to know that we want to take the narrow road and they should want to help us find it. 

These friends also need to have their eyes on God and be actively working on everyday holiness in their own life. True friends need to be willing to tell us the truth about God, the Church and our own actions in every instance, always measuring their words with charity and compassion.  

Shortly after my divorce, I was having drinks with a few friends who, out of love for me, insisted on saying terrible things about my ex-husband. As a Catholic, I knew I needed to be working to forgive this man. For this reason, I found these comments to be less than helpful. I tried to explain to my friends my wish to be free from bitterness and how their talk was affecting me, but it continued on. 

It shouldn’t be a surprise that these folks and I soon drifted apart.  

I remember choosing instead, to spend time with people who would tell me—“Yeah, that’s a bummer of a situation, but look how God is using it to help your children grow in their faith." These friends I had met at my parish and through other Catholic activities in my area. It was clear to me that they were striving for holiness in their own lives and their comments about the divorce helped me to turn my eyes away from bitterness and back to the Lord.

Four of these ladies have become my closest friends. They are the friends I would call in the middle of the night because I know they would get out of bed and have my back, no matter what I needed. Truly, gifts from God to help me grow in the faith and develop the virtues. 

True friends are a gift from God.

If you have friends that you are comfortable speaking to about God, whether or not you missed Mass on Sunday, and how to politely shut down that flirtatious co-worker, you have found yourself some true friends. Thank God for this gift! 

If you still struggle to find true friends that will help you on your journey to live a virtuous life, remember that everyone here on this website already shares your most important concern—seeking to live a holy, Catholic life. Find some folks in your area and connect with them. After all, the best gift from God is to marry your best friend.