A Different Sort of Date
24
Everyone knows that dates are supposed to be fun.
Even now, after being married for 32 years, my hardworking husband and I still stop every once in a while and go on a date. We have to step away from the sacrifices and cares of everyday married life just to reconnect and relax. What with the battle of the budget and homeschooling and raising the last few of our seven kids, we're often like two ships passing in the night—you don't even know the other one is there until you crash into each other and sink.
You may be wondering—How does this story apply to people who are dating? Consider: if married people spend most of their time making sacrifices and need a fun break now and then, the flip side is true. Dating people spend most of their time having fun together. So it makes sense to take a sacrifice break now and then. The ultimate purpose of dating is to get you married, so you'll need to be familiar with "sacrifice mode."
Wait! Before you click away, I'm going to make a stunning claim.
Seeing each other in sacrifice mode can make you fall in love. Read on.
As I said, Greg and I go out once in a while on dates. These dates are usually of the cheap variety—a scenic walk for instance—because of the aforementioned battle of the budget. But every ten years or so, we go to Europe. We met there; we lived there when we got married, so we go back there when we can.
This year, to celebrate our 30th anniversary (late as usual) we were supposed to go to Germany. Guess when—March. We planned for months and found the perfect deals, looked forward to it all winter long, and then COVID-19 crashed our trip into the sea. What's more, even though we got refunds on everything, we didn't dare plan a new trip. I lost two of my freelance jobs. My husband lost his teaching job. The only place we were going was nowhere—fast.
But in May when things opened up, we did go somewhere—to see my dad.
It was never intended to be a date, but it made me fall in love.
Pop was on my mind for months because he was home alone. He couldn't go out because just before COVID, his doctor had decided he was done driving. He couldn't get visits because though healthy, he is in his nineties and part of the at-risk population. Day after day, instead of mourning my lost trip to Europe, I pictured him sitting home alone during the lockdown, watching TV for company. How long would it be before any of us would be able to visit him and help him out and relieve his loneliness?
When I finally got the green light to go see him, I immediately talked to Greg about which kid I should take on the four-hour drive. It never occurred to me to ask Greg because now that finances were tighter than ever, he would need to work more than ever.
Imagine my surprise when he said, "I'll go." He wanted to do the driving for me and to help me clean and also assess how Pop was doing. I couldn't believe his offer. Every day I would ask if he still wanted to go, expecting him to cite crushing work demands and back out. But he remained constant. So we said goodbye to the kids for a few days and set out alone together on a different sort of trip than the one we had planned and dreamed of.
A trip to scrub bathrooms and clean out gutters is nobody's idea of a date...
But on it Greg did everything a girl could want on a date.
He put me first on his to-do list when he adapted his work schedule to the trip.
He cherished and supported me when he did all the driving.
He impressed me with his rugged manliness when he cleaned out Pop's gutters and swept the garage.
He helped me relax and have a good time when he let me express my worries about Pop and prayed with me to alleviate my anxiety.
He respected and honored my father when he sat down and listened to his stories and heard his concerns.
When I think back to our previous trips abroad, to celebrate our tenth and twentieth anniversaries, wonderful as they were, I realize that this trip delivered far more satisfaction. Those trips were designed to please us. You know how that goes. Some parts did. Other parts didn't.
Dates are like that. You like the cuisine and service in a restaurant, but the guest at the table next to you talks non-stop about his colonoscopy. Loudly. You feel like screaming, Dude, we saved up for this!
This trip to Pop's had nothing to do with pleasing us, yet it did.
It had nothing to do with renewing our love, yet it did.
I will leave you with this: If you are considering a serious relationship with someone, try to see the person under conditions that require sacrifice. Go see your parents, your grandparents, your elderly aunt or uncle. Take care of some children. See what the other person is made of. Is he pleasant only when he is being entertained? Does she demand to be the center of attention? Or is he capable of putting himself out for others in need? Is she generous and attentive to the needs of others?
Dating is supposed to prepare you for marriage. Marriage is not a series of candlelit dinners in a fine restaurant. Marriage is a vocation in which you and your spouse support each other and a family. Everyone always talks about trial marriage, well before you commit to a person, try the sacrifice aspect of marriage. There is surprising joy in serving side by side and an even more surprising increase of love.
Find Your Forever.
CatholicMatch is the largest and most trusted
Catholic dating site in the world.