5 Tips for Praying Together

You know you are supposed to do it.

You know it is important. You have been told by dozens of people, dozens of times, that praying together is necessary for a healthy relationship. You really want to make it happen, and you regret it whenever you shy away. 

The problem is...it feels awkward. It doesn’t come naturally. Praying by yourself is hard enough, but when you try to pray with another person next to you, you suddenly feel self-conscious about everything you do and say. The whole point of prayer is to open your heart to God, and that’s not an easy thing to do with your significant other present. No matter how much you love them, it can still be a challenge. 

Have no fear! Here are five tips that will make praying together easier. 

1. Start small. 

Do you remember when you were first taught how to pray? Probably there wasn’t a whole lot of depth or length to your prayer. It can be pretty intimidating to think about praying with the person you are dating if you are picturing long hours lying prostrate before the Blessed Sacrament, singing hymns together throughout the day, or reading the entire Bible in a year. 

Start small! Your prayer life with another person should begin with simple little prayers together. You can start by saying grace together. Maybe say a traveling prayer whenever you get in the car. Another option is to say a quick prayer before studying together, asking God to help you focus. Feel free to get creative, but don’t get overambitious. 

2. Take advantage of recited prayers and meditative prayers. 

One of the most nerve-racking prospects of praying with another person is thinking of what to say on the spot. When put under this kind of pressure, our minds have a tendency to go blank. Don’t worry if this is true for you because it is true for pretty much everyone else as well!

The best solution for this is just taking advantage of the great treasury of the Church’s written prayers. There are so many excellent prayer books, prayers from saints, and traditional prayers for different times of the day that you can simply recite together rather than having to figure out what to say in the moment. As you get more advanced with this, try going to Mass together, saying a rosary, or praying the Liturgy of the Hours. 

3. Think Psalm 117, not Psalm 119. 

Psalm 119 is a remarkable prayer. It is complex, overarching, and dramatic. It has great value in its theological depth and rich account of salvation history. The problem for those trying to learn how to pray with someone else is that this sort of powerful outpouring of the whole heart is more than most beginners are ready for. 

Psalm 117 is, in some ways, just as powerful. God delights in simplicity and humility. A short word of sincere praise to God can be even more pleasing to him than prayers designed to win him over with elaborate rhetoric and a theological vocabulary. This is similar to the idea that you should start small, but that means more than just brevity. Don’t pretend you understand more than you do. All you have to do is talk to God like he is your friend. 

4. Do some spiritual reading, and listen. 

This is another great way to bypass the fear of thinking of what to say and using your own words. Reciting written prayers is a good option, but you can also do some spiritual reading together. You can simply sit and read things which inspire prayer and a prayerful mindset. Then you can spend some time sitting in silence, praying to God in your own hearts and listening for his voice. 

There are so many great options to choose from! Obviously the best option is the Bible. You can also try reading some books written by saints. St. Augustine’s Confessions and The Story of a Soul by St. Therese of Lisieux are good places to start. Other people like to read meditations such as The Imitation of Christ.

Whatever you like best, the key is reading a short excerpt together and then spending time in silence. You don’t have to say anything. Just pray in your heart to God, and if you are meditating on the same reading, you really will be praying together. 

5. Discuss what works. 

When in doubt, just break the ice. Once you start talking about praying together it gets much easier to actually do it. If you haven’t expressed your desire to pray with the person you are dating, but you really want to start, you should begin by simply telling him or her you want to pray together. It is an easy way to learn their thoughts and start a conversation about what will work for you. 

Once you start praying together, don’t feel like you can’t tell them what you do and don’t like doing for prayer. Maybe you really want to try saying a rosary or you don’t want to feel pressured to come up with your own words yet. Perhaps something about your current method seems weak or unnecessarily difficult.

Just talk to the person you are dating. Be honest with them. They will probably be grateful, and you won’t regret it! What they say is true: praying together really is necessary for a healthy relationship.