Dates Every Couple Should Go On Before They Get Married

There is more to being in a relationship than dinner and a movie, going out with friends to a concert, or mini-golf. Life is full of unusual experiences that reveal a lot about a person. Have some of those experiences before you say “I Do.” Consider that a good relationship is like a beautiful piece of art, which should be viewed from all angles in order to appreciate all its details.

This takes two things: Intention and Vulnerability. 

Intention because sometimes you will have to choose that tougher thing. If your time is limited—especially if your relationship is long-distance—you may be tempted to make the whole weekend about fun places, affection, and romance. While there is nothing wrong with that, if your relationship is progressing toward marriage, there is so much more to life for you to explore together. You may have to sacrifice that romantic dinner out in order to place yourself in a more creative situation. 

Vulnerability because you have to be willing for the other to see you at your most basic and speak into your life. This is a distinct difference from transparency, which some people confuse for vulnerability. Transparency is to say, “This is my real and messy life.” Vulnerability is to say, “I give you permission to participate in this real and messy life, to correct me if need be, and speak truth to me, even if it is not pleasant.” This is next-level friendship and it takes courage to be vulnerable.

So, how do you do this? I would recommend these non-traditional dates:

1) Running errands.

Seriously, you may think this is a dull afternoon, but a large portion of your life will be spent running errands with this person if you get married. So, pick up your dry cleaning, go to the post office, and get the oil changed in your car. You can see how they handle stress, interact with salespeople, negotiate traffic, and whether they value efficiency or hilarity in the store.

2) Helping one of you move.

If you ever have a chance to help your significant other move (and not just when you combine households), do it! You will help them so much, offer moral support and encouragement, and have a great time bonding. I am pretty sure this would be one of the corporal works of mercy if another could be added. You will also see how they handle organization, stress, and how they respond when things don’t go as planned.

3) Babysitting.

Don’t have kids? Great! There are likely plenty of young families in your parish or neighborhood who would love a night out. Offer your services. Seeing your significant other interact with children, who are by nature unpredictable and unfiltered, can be a joyous and enlightening thing. Children bring out the best and worst of us. Let some of that shine forth while you are dating. No doubt you will create memories, have lots of laughs, and help a family who needs childcare. Strengthening those bonds within your community is a good thing too!

4) Funerals.

OK, so would anyone classify this as a date? Probably not. But Romans 12 tells us to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. Learning to hold space for someone who is grieving something is a powerful way to bond and share in the works of mercy. Those who show up when things are uncomfortable, when you are sad or confused, and when it is not fun—those are the people you want to keep around and keep close. Those are the people who are earning their place in your inner circle.

5) Travel.

This can be a day trip, a pilgrimage, a mission trip, an adventure with friends, or really anything. The point is to see the person you love outside their natural environment and negotiating new places and circumstances. Everyone travels differently. Some thrive in a bustling airport, ticket in hand, unstressed and excited. For some, this is purgatory on earth and they just want to get there already. Which are you? Which is your partner?

Some love road trips, all day in the car with snacks and a playlist, they can drive for days. For some, 30 minutes from home is enough. Which are you? Which is your partner? You may never know until you book that adventure. I have been blessed to be able to travel among several groups of friends on road trips, cross country flights, and cruises. In the process, I learned who I like to have in my travel squad and who is better to stay close to home with. There is no good or bad here, just different. It is good to learn these differences and appreciate these differences.

Dating is about learning.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” While you are dating, be intentional about putting yourself in a position to learn some lessons. It goes deeper than what your date’s hobbies, interests, and favorite colors are. It is about your deeper and truer selves. Those things you learn not through romance, but through everyday life. 

When the time is right, have the courage to be vulnerable about the lessons that present themselves. Be open to seeing the best and worst of yourself and the best and worst of your partner. Dating is the best time to do this. As Benjamin Franklin famously said, “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.”