What Online Dating Looks Like in Real Life

The Internet is weird.

Especially because someone had the idea to use it for singles to meet other eligible singles. (It really is a genius website idea when you think about it!) It introduced a whole new world to dating and romance, and nobody knows the rules! Everybody is running on pictures and screenshots, hopes, and disappointments, but nobody is actually out on a date yet. So the question always pops up, for online daters new and old, “what am I even DOING?!”

There are no rules to online dating. But, personally, I think it compares very closely to looking for romance in your normal, day-to-day life. Thus, I compiled a full spectrum of online dating interactions compared to “normal life” ones!

So, if online dating happened in real life, what would it look like?

1. Making a profile.

When you type out that profile on CatholicMatch, it can feel like either like a really big deal or a total “whatever.” Maybe you’re thinking you’ll FINALLY meet people, or you feel this is a last resort. These two (rather extreme) feelings correspond directly with this real-life counterpart: attending a single’s event for the first time. You don’t know who else will be there, so you try to prepare a good first impression. But really, you have no idea what you’re getting into until you walk in the door and see all the other faces.

Just like the moment of walking in, when your profile goes live, you finally get to “see” the other attendees! You might be thrilled at the number of options, or feel a little self-conscious because you’ve hung a sign around your neck announcing “I’M SINGLE!” Either way, don’t worry how you’re feeling at this point. The night is young, and walking into a singles mixer (or putting up your profile) is just the first step. The fun hasn’t even started yet!

2. Liking a photo or sending an emotigram.

Usually, this is where we really get the first online jitters. Should you give him a thumbs-up on his cute selfie? Send her “flowers?” Or is it too much?! Allay your fears. Liking a photo or sending an emotigram is the online equivalent of smiling at a stranger across the room. Imagine you’re at a birthday party for a new friend. You don’t know half the people there, but one stranger in particular catches your eye from across the room.

What do you do? Smile! And maybe toss in a wink or a little wave, if you’re bold. This is the easiest way to signal to someone you noticed them, and if they smile back at you, you know conversation would be welcome. That’s really all there is to “likes” and emotigrams: smiles :).

3. Taking CatholicMatch quizzes.

I personally love this CatholicMatch feature, especially when users add funny or silly questions. So, if online dating were happening in real-life, where would taking each other’s quizzes fall? I would categorize it as joining a group activity, especially where you don’t know the other people well. Let’s say you attend one of those trivia nights some bars and restaurants hold (I don’t know about you, but I would absolutely crush Harry Potter trivia!)

Usually, people are automatically teamed up based on who’s sitting at the same table. This gives strangers an opportunity to join in a fun game sans pressure to actually know what they’re doing. Bridal shower games, baby shower activities, and singles mixers often take a similar approach, because they all have groups of strangers in the same room! So take those quizzes: it’s a great way to get involved and break the ice with fellow daters. 

4. Sending a first message.

Before you think “I know what this looks like in real life!” halt! This is NOT the equivalent of asking for a first date. Sending a first message is more akin to approaching the cute stranger in the coffee shop. You don’t go right up and ask for a date—or at least, most people wouldn’t. You want to feel out the waters first and see if you click. So, you find a reason to engage them in conversation!

In real life, people ask about any number of things which present themselves: do you come here often, what should I order off the menu, what book are you reading, could you give me directions, hey have I seen you on campus before? You get it. Everyone knows the simple fact of approach indicates interest. It’s the same for messaging online! All you’re doing is finding a reason to introduce yourself, based on whatever information presents itself in their profile. 

5. Sending an invite to “chat.”

CatholicMatch’s “chat” feature is a fun, low-pressure way to connect with someone in real-time versus sending messages only. I compare this to if you’re at church, or an event, and you are in a pretty empty pew. Someone new walks in and looks unsure of where to sit. So you wave them over and say “this seat (or pew) is free, sit with me!” Timing is the key player here, in reality and online.

You can’t control who will attend a parish event, but you can always invite someone to sit with you. Online, you can’t control who’s going to log on at the same time, but if you keep an open mind, you can strike up conversations with whomever is available. You never know what might come of it, so give it a shot!

6. Asking for a CatholicMatch video chat.

No, we’re still not comparing this to asking for a first date! (We’ll get there, keep reading.) A video chat invitation is similar to sending a first message or a “chat.” But, it is way more bold and yields much stronger results. For instance, imagine you’re attending a dance—barn dance, ballroom dance, swing dance, wedding dance, whatever you like.

If a bachelor (or bachelorette!) walks over and asks you for a dance, you’re going to immediately know they’re interested in you, right? You’ll likely be impressed, too—it takes serious courage to put yourself on the line with a virtual stranger (pun intended.) And so you dance together and get a chance to talk and interact. These few minutes of being face to face gives you a whole host of romantic information (think body language, small talk, “spark,” etc.) It’s the same thing with a video chat invitation! It’s bold, direct, and yields some very helpful results for daters.

7. Asking for a phone number . . . or yes, even a first date.

Finally, THIS is where online dating collides with real life! When you ask for that personal cell phone number, or ask to meet up in person, you can safely call that “real-life” dating. No need to wonder what this compares to in normal life! Even if you ask and the answer is “no,” pat yourself on the back. If you got this far, you deserve kudos, because you successfully navigated the murky waters of online dating etiquette. The whole point of online dating is to move offline and into the real world, after all. So keep working toward this goal, and use all the tools at your disposal to see what fits you best!

You’ll notice that nothing (repeat: nothing) online corresponds to going on real dates.

Why? Real in-person dates can’t be replaced by anything on a screen. So when we call it “online dating,” we are actually describing an online crowd-mixer. You’re joining a website designed to introduce people to one another, not a website designed as a marriage discernment tool. You have to get out on real dates for that.

And to be perfectly frank, this is very good news! Online daters can relax: drop that weight on your chest and lighten your load. If online dating only adds up to meeting people and introducing yourself . . . no pressure! More serious dating and discernment happens way down the road, after you’ve met up at least a couple of times in reality.

So don’t worry about jumping into online dating, or how to do it “right.” God will lead you to the right people somehow; all you have to do is be open to them and put in a little effort.