Ways to Remain Present in Dating While Looking Toward Engagement
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It is a hard balance to strike: remaining present in your relationship while thinking about the next steps.
And for the record, I think it is a good thing to think about the next steps of your relationship. So many relationships can fall apart because people aren’t thinking about what the future might look like. It is a good thing to be purposeful in your choices with someone else! And that requires intentionality in thinking about how your future might look.
But one thing not to lose, in our everyday but especially in dating towards marriage, is the ability to be where you are, right now.
Here are some ways I found to stay present in dating:
1.) Unplug.
Turn off the phones! And the TV. And the computer. Unplug from the world, even for a dedicated hour. Time moves slower, and conversation takes over. Fill the background with a favorite album, and let that fill the space. Break out a board game or puzzle and do something that requires the two of you to work together. A lack of screen time does wonders for building one-on-one time with someone else.
You could dedicate one weekend a month for you both to unplug, or one night a week. A personal favorite is making it part of your daily dating routine—instituting the unplug policy every time you eat a meal together, or anytime the you’re in the car together for an extended period of time. Daily choices like this also turn into habits, unplugging being an especially good one to have as an engaged couple, when planning and family and decisions all amp up.
2.) Date night with highs and lows.
Establish a weekly date night for just the two of you. The place doesn’t matter; it’s the one-on-one that does. I found that we could go weeks without a one-on-one date because all of our outings included friends if we weren’t intentional about it.
So if you two are long-distance, that means a scheduled video call! If you are lucky enough to be in the same town, maybe that looks like going to a sports game or local music show. Maybe that looks like a new place to eat or packing food to eat at your date destination.
I always found going over the highs and lows of the week each date night was a really good way to recall what the week looked like for each of you. It can be so easy for time to fly by when life is full and commitments are overflowing. Going over the highs and lows also opens up opportunities to pray for one another—to pray for your worries and accomplishments.
Praying for and with your date is a wonderful way to intentionally move toward engagement without losing all focus on where you are now. Commit to a night at the beginning of each week, or whenever you are in the same town, and stick with it.
3.) Daily Mass.
Whenever I go to Mass during the week, the Sundays seem to be not so far apart for me. And I think that is one key to making time go by slower—breaking up the busy week with the purposeful stillness of Mass. I truly found it to be one of the best ways to slow down my week. And one thing that helps with staying present, is finding ways to intentionally slow down. Daily Mass is a really good way to do that, and an even better way to do so with your significant other.
Praying for and/or with your significant other is a powerful way to grow together in holiness, which is what we are all called to! It’s the perfect time to pray for discernment of marriage for the two of you, or putting more trust in the Lord for how He will allow your stories to unfold over time. And, going to Mass together is a less intimidating way to begin praying together if you haven’t done that before.
It’s a common understanding in today’s culture that remaining present is more something you say, not something you are actually capable of doing. This world is filled with distractions and tangents and the demand for our focus to be everywhere at the same time. And it may not make sense at first, but the best way to take more of life in is to intentionally slow down in how you are experiencing it.
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