What Does It Mean to Protect Each Other in Marriage?
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What does it mean to protect someone?
When two people get married, they take on the responsibility to protect one another. I’ve been thinking about this as I prepare to get married.
Protection takes many forms.
The first thing I think of is physical protection. If someone assaults my wife, I must do my best to throw myself in the way and defend her. Like a selfless soldier, it’s my job to jump on the live hand grenade to protect her, even if it means I get bloodied and broken.
But in most daily situations in a relationship, protection looks like something else.
My friend told me how she always sided with her father when she and her new husband got in an argument. She’d point to how her father did things and criticize her husband’s different way of handling matters.
After witnessing this happen several times, her father gently drew her aside one day. “It’s time to cut the cord,” he said. Her father recognized that her primary allegiance was to her husband now.
And by not respecting him, she was not protecting him—or their new relationship.
That doesn’t mean her husband was always right, of course. But as his partner, it was no longer healthy for her to take sides against him.
Sometimes spouses must protect each other from in-laws. If an in-law is intervening in an unhealthy way, it’s the husband’s obligation to protect his wife first.
I know a person whose father-in-law once insulted him publicly at a family Christmas gathering. The man’s wife reprimanded her father. She knew it was her responsibility now to protect her husband, even if it meant confronting her father. It wasn’t easy for her, but it was the right thing to do. Cords must be cut and new alliances strengthened.
Genesis 2:24 says: “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”
When a couple unites in marriage, they are now spiritually, mystically, and practically one entity.
That’s why you can never really win a fight against your spouse. You’re one flesh now and if you “win” an argument against her, you've just defeated yourself.
This applies to parents’ relationships with their children too. One parent must be careful not to side with children against another parent. They must protect their spouse’s dignity and authority by forming a united front. By taking sides with a child, they are not protecting their spouse. They are not protecting their children either. Kids need to know both parents are united, even though they may disagree on certain things.
Saint Paul said that husbands must love their wives as Christ loved the Church. How much is that? So much that he died for her. As spouses, we must strive to live up to this standard.
Ultimately, God is the example we must follow. He is our protector.
In Isaiah 41:10, God says to his people: "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
What if husbands and wives took this approach to each other?
"Don’t be afraid, baby, because I’m your husband. I will strengthen you and help you."
"Don’t be dismayed, honey, because I’m your wife and I will uphold you."
How beautiful would that be?
This is not always easy, of course, especially when we’re irritated and our spouse is being a jerk. But it’s what we’re called to. And when we protect one another, everyone benefits.
As Dr. Ray Guarendi says in his book Marriage: Small Steps, Big Rewards: “Protect, and in the end the person most protected may be you.”
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