5 Things Women Should Look For in Their Future Husband

The standard of what a woman should look for in a man is actually a simple one—St. Joseph. But it’s also true that if no one got married without finding someone who matched that standard, it would be…well, it would be the end of marriage.

Perhaps a way to modify this then, is to identify some benchmarks that a Catholic female can reasonably look for in seeing if the man seeking her affection is at least a pale reflection of the great carpenter from Nazareth, the spiritual foster-father of us all. I would propose these five as a good start. 

Does he go to confession? 

In asking this question, it’s important to note what’s already been assumed—that he’s going to Mass every Sunday. A man who isn’t going to Sunday Mass isn’t prepared to help his spouse get to Heaven, because he’s not even helping himself get there. But if this basic prerequisite is met, then the next step is to see if frequent confession (ideally at least once a month, certainly every year at Easter, as required by Church law) is a part of his spiritual routine. 

Pride is the first downfall of everyone, and men can have a particular problem with admitting wrongdoing. The phrase “toxic masculinity” is overused and exploited by secularized feminists, but that doesn’t mean that it can’t be applicable in some cases.

It’s tempting for a man to believe that strength comes in how thoroughly he asserts his own will on situations or how vociferously he commands those around him (i.e., his spouse) to bend to his will. Confession is the antidote to that. If you want a happy life, find a guy who’s willing to admit he’s wrong and is prepared to tell those wrongdoings to a priest. 

Will he stand his ground? 

It’s also important for men to avoid the other extreme, which is simply giving in to their spouse all the time. There is real value in having a husband who will take the lead and stand firm when he has to. Our evidence for this comes in the first marital squabble ever known—when Eve pushed for Adam to take the apple. Adam knew it was wrong, but went along to keep his wife happy. It didn’t end so well.

Just like there’s nothing wrong with men admitting their wrongdoing, there is also nothing wrong with women admitting that yes, they do want someone to take the lead—even when that means embracing the discomfort that comes with telling their wife “No”. 

Does he have a quiet humility? 

Human beings in general can have a tendency to get obnoxious about their opinions, especially on the most important stuff. No one wants to admit that on high-stakes questions—like the best way to raise children—everyone is kind of just doing their best amidst the fog that is human life.

Child-raising is just one example. It can be everything from the best way to practice one’s faith, the best way to be active in the community, or just the best way to approach life in general. 

Yes, a man must have his view, stand his ground and be firm. But a part of humility involves recognizing that unless something is spelled out crystal-clear in The Catechism of the Catholic Church, there might be legitimate alternatives. The man whose attitude shouts “Everyone but me is failing” is on the wrong path. The man who says firmly “This is how we do it and we trust in God to make it work out” can be trusted. 

Does he have a healthy work ethic? 

Not everyone makes a large salary. This is, for faithful Catholics, something that’s even more important to accept as the ever-advancing secular culture in corporate America is making it harder and harder for Catholics to work in the best-paying jobs, whether as a matter of conscience or sanity. 

But everyone can have a healthy work ethic. It’s inherent within a man to want to get up and have something to do. The guy who wants to sleep to ten o’clock in the morning has problems—they might be real problems, (e.g., depression), and those call for help, and not judgment. But what they don’t call for is marriage. 

Also, keep in mind that a healthy work ethic knows how to take time off. St. Joseph honored the Sabbath. The Holy Family frequently went on pilgrimages. Living in the United States, we don’t see too many examples of a truly healthy work ethic—people tend to one extreme or the other. It’s all the more important to see the carpenter from Nazareth as the model. 

Does he pray the rosary?

None of us can survive this life spiritually without prayer and meditation. A man, entrusted with leading a spouse and possibly children to Heaven, carries a big burden. The holy rosary combines both prayer and meditation together.

St. Teresa of Avila goes so far as to say that the person who does not pray for 15-20 minutes per day will end up a lost soul. Coincidentally, that’s about the amount of time it takes to say the rosary. Everyone can make time for it. There’s no person on earth so busy that they don’t have 15 minutes a day. The rewards will be great. And as the times we live in seem to grow more spiritually combative by the day, those rewards might be necessities. 

All of this still constitutes a high standard to reach. As I write it, I find myself indicted on more than a few counts. I suspect most men who are honest with themselves will as well. In no way should it be suggested to a woman that any man who stumbles anywhere along this way be ruled out as a suitor. 

What is suggested to women, is that any man worthy of their hand in marriage embrace all of this as the standard that they will measure themselves by. 

And if a woman doesn’t feel like she can settle for anything that falls short of the high standard? There’s nothing wrong with that—in fact, maybe it’s an indicator that your true Spouse is Jesus Christ Himself, and a possible call to the novitiate.