These Are the People You Need in Your Wedding

The morning of my wedding, I got a call from the videographer. He needed directions to the church...

He also wasn’t sure of the time of the wedding, somehow? 

Myself and all of my bridesmaids were getting our hair and makeup done at the time. But my friend Molly who was also present, sensing mounting trepidation and anxiety on my end of the phone, grabbed it out of my hand and took over hashing out the details with him. 

Molly then took the liberty of personally meeting with the elusive videographer when we got to the church, and even jumped up at the beginning of the Mass to ask him to move his tripod (he was directly in front of the altar, blocking most of our guests from seeing and participating in the Mass!).

We originally asked Molly to do the first reading at the Mass, but in the weeks leading up the wedding, she volunteered as a “personal attendant” and point person for anything that came up. I don’t know what we would’ve done without her help and heart for service!

The decision of who to surround yourself closely with on your wedding day is not an easy one. 

And don’t worry, I’m not just going to promote the title of “personal attendant”. (Though, if anyone wants to borrow Molly, I’ll put you in touch with her!)

There are many considerations to take into account when it comes to wedding party size, family connections, and the like. If you or your spouse has a bunch of siblings, it’s a touchy subject deciding which ones to put in the wedding. Then there’s your closest girlfriends from college, your best friend from childhood, your basketball buddies who won the championship with you, or the friends whose weddings you stood up in. 

The stress of letting friends or loved ones down by not choosing them for the coveted role of “wedding party” can detract from the meaning and purpose of the Sacrament itself. Not to mention that all this hype and fuss could cause unnecessary arguments and tension between you and your spouse-to-be. 

Before making these tricky decisions, ask yourselves these two questions… 

1. Who will support and love us not only on our wedding day but through the ups and downs of our marriage? 

The true purpose of a wedding party is to support and witness the Sacrament of Marriage. And not just on the wedding day, but every day thereafter. 

One of my friends puts it beautifully. She says, “when it came to choosing our wedding party, we knew we had a lot of people in our lives who love us and want to be there for us. What was most important to us, though, was to pick those whom we knew would hold us to our sacramental vows in the years proceeding our wedding. Not just the people who would make our wedding day fun, but the people who won’t run away when our marriage hits the inevitable lows. These are the people who will call us to a higher standard in our marriage. These are the people we want standing next to us at the altar.” 

How beautiful is that?! I challenge you to consider the same principle when looking at your potential wedding party. Sure, you may offend some friends or family, but this isn’t about popularity, it’s about entering a lasting covenant between God and your spouse. 

2. Who will help things run as smoothly as possible so that we can focus on the importance of the Sacrament? 

This includes everything from the priest to the flower girl. I was once involved in a wedding where the bride agonized over the lack of cooperation from the 3-year-old ring bearer until the moment she walked down the aisle. 

Not everything during a wedding goes as planned, but if there’s something or someone involved that causes undue stress on you and your spouse-to-be, you really need to reconsider. And this definitely includes children! But be at peace: not choosing to have children in the wedding party for simplicity’s sake does not mean you hate children, or won’t be blessed with them in your marriage, or anything like that! 

However, if you’re the type of people who don’t mind whether little foibles and mishaps occur from your tiniest witnesses, then by all means, include them! But it’s all about knowing yourselves as a couple and aligning your expectations with reality. Ultimately, you want to surround yourself with people who are aware of the significance of the Sacrament taking place and who will help clear aside any obstacles that occur.

As always, keep an eternal perspective.

Sometimes the simplest weddings are the most beautiful...just look at all those COVID-19 weddings that took place with only the bridal couple, a priest, and a witness or two! Sure it's a great gift and blessing to be surrounded by many loved ones as you enter into the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, but the quality should always outweigh the quantity. And just remember: your wedding day goes by quickly, but your marriage unites you for a lifetime.