A Different Sort of Wedding

For engaged couples, COVID-19 has created numerous problems and questions.

With every refresh of my news feed, another blogger lamented the difficulties of love and marriage during a pandemic. An inability to date because of social distancing norms or the failure to have everyone on their invite list attend their wedding because of travel restrictions, the canceling of venues for receptions, and the pushing back of wedding dates. It led some people to question their relationship and vocation as a spouse. I have a few friends who canceled their wedding outright with hopes to reschedule to some later undetermined time.

However, while most people were pushing back or outright canceling their weddings during the pandemic, we stayed the course and got married, but we moved our wedding day forward—as we had concerns that amidst the pandemic, governmental restrictions, and church limitations, weddings might be banned altogether for an indefinite time.  

Now, as restrictions around the world begin to ease, we have been asked on more than one occasion, "Do you regret getting married during the COVID-19 crisis?" With the benefit of hindsight, let me try to answer this as honestly as possible.

A wedding in a time of pandemic is a different sort of wedding, not in substance but in style.

Therefore, we had to go without a lot of the modern conventional trimmings, but we still had a lot going for us. Travel restrictions and government regulations meant that only my wife's immediate family could attend—and only one of her parents could be in the Church as a witness—while I had no family or friends in attendance at all. As a result, there were no spectators on the sideline at this wedding.

Each of the handful of people involved played a critical and meaningful role to make our wedding possible: My wife had an off-the-rack wedding dress that was altered by her sisters at the last minute; the flowers were cut from local gardens and arranged by my now mother-in-law; my wife's sisters did make-up and hair; the father-in-law was the chauffeur for the day, procurer of drinks and eats, and host extraordinaire; my brother-in-law wasn't able to take me to the pub but was able to lend me his shoes and get me to the barber...

The sister-in-law's fiancé was one of the two witnesses for the wedding (we could only have five people in the chapel total); the celebrant assisted in setting up our YouTube live stream; the wedding reception was at the in-law's house (which I helped clean); the wedding cake was a one-tier homemade almond cake that would rival a famous New Orleans (where I'm from) bakery; the first dance—which was danced in the in-laws living room—could only be witnessed by my mother via video chat; and the wedding photos were taken on cellphones. In brief, it was a great outpouring of love and energy from family.  

In a word, our wedding was far from the modern ideal. 

There is a laundry list of things we didn't have: musicians, professionally arranged flowers, make-up artists, bachelor party, party favors, professional photographer, a three-tier wedding cake, a fancy reception, a DJ or live band, limos to and from the wedding, and proper wedding rings. Our month-long honeymoon in Europe became a day off work and a weekend at the beach. 

We didn't have to worry about musicians or food at the reception or the limo arriving on time and whether or not the florist had all the flowers ready. In some ways, the less we had, the less we had to worry. Grace supplied what we lacked by way of the usual celebrations, and by having less, we were allowed to focus more on the sacrament, God, and each other. To put it differently, we had the best wedding we could at the time, and we still loved it despite its lack of modern trimmings.

Please know, even the simple nature of our wedding is not to say we did not experience pain or heartache. As one family member put it, they felt "cheated" through the deprivation of the celebrations which traditionally—and for a good reason—usually accompany a wedding. My mother, though incredibly supportive of our decision to move up the wedding date, could not be present—flights from the United States to Australia were grounded. 

Many couples who postpone their weddings must contend with a similar heartache, met with disappointment, uncertainty, complicated family relations, and incomplete guest lists, not to mention lost deposits. By postponing the wedding, the bride and groom might still be in the same scenario they were hoping to avoid, with or without COVID-19.

Are you engaged and hoping to get married in the near future?

Our story may not be everyone's experience. Still, for those who find themselves in a similar situation, questioning whether to pursue a wedding in less than ideal circumstances, I can honestly say with loving and enthusiastic encouragement—"go for it." It is ok to get married. Your wedding can mean a lot while having extraordinarily little.

Finally, TV shows, magazines, movies, and wedding planners might attempt to convince you that your wedding is shortchanged because it lacks some conventional trimming. Remember, we are never shortchanged by God, and we can never out-give God's generosity, even in a less than ideal circumstance.