Do You Know the Importance of the Catholic Wedding Vows?

In 2018 my husband and I attended 10 weddings within a seven-month span. 

Knowing they were all coming our way, I went to get a pair of shoes that I dubbed my wedding shoes for the year.

They served me so well. I wore them as a bridesmaid multiple times, as a matron of honor, and many times as a wedding guest. I grew fond of them with every long night of dancing, through all the running around, they were with me climbing so many stairs (!!) and especially during my trip to Home Depot the morning of one wedding to get a plant as tall as me for the soon-to-be-married couple’s plant ceremony.

Of all the 10 weddings, only a few were in a church.

Even fewer were Catholic. Lots were in very beautiful places! And everyone had vows that I know they meant with all their hearts, pre-written or custom to their spouse. My husband and I saw many versions of vows: traditional, custom, ring vows, candle ceremonies, plant ceremonies, etc. And never once did I doubt if the couple meant the words they said—I know they did. I know that most everyone who approaches their spouse down the aisle has full intention of fulfilling the duties of marriage.

All the different types of vows, in my opinion, only further highlighted the beauty and sacredness of the traditional vows you hear in every Catholic wedding ceremony. They may not be “custom to the couple,” but neither is the Mass during the wedding ceremony. Every Mass celebrated during a wedding is the same, as are all Masses celebrated every day throughout the world. But does that make the Mass any less special? No. If anything, it makes it more special.

I believe the same goes for the wedding vows. I know the traditional vows aren’t as creative as custom ones, and it might even be a bit of a disappointment that you aren’t able to write them for your spouse? But it is a tradition for a reason.

The Lord knew what He was doing. (As He always does.)

The vows are usually preceded by three questions from the priest:

"(Name) and (name), have you come here to enter into Marriage without coercion, freely and wholeheartedly?" // "Are you prepared, as you follow the path of Marriage, to love and honor each other for as long as you both shall live?" // "Are you prepared to accept children lovingly from God and to bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?" 

Then, the vows go as follows:

Priest: Since it is your intention to enter into the covenant of Holy Matrimony, join your right hands, and declare your consent before God and his Church. 

Groom: I, (name), take you, (name), to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

Bride: I, (name), take you, (name), to be my husband. I promise to be faithful to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to honor you all the days of my life. 

There is one really big difference between these vows and vows you custom write.

These are not simply things you want to do for the rest of your life, these are words that enter you and your spouse into a covenant. Under a free, total, faithful and fruitful (intended) exchange of consent, the words are no longer words.

And the promise is no longer something you can undo. Through the grace of the Lord, within the sacrament of the Eucharist and the Sacrament of Matrimony, your vows become part of who you are: you enter into your Vocation, of which you were called forth by Christ to fulfill as you take part in building up His Kingdom. 

I know that promising to always make the other person laugh, to always remember to not take life too seriously, and to always have the other person’s back are genuine, good desires, but they don’t transform the bond between man and woman into one flesh.

And that is why the Catholic Church holds fast to not only holding the sacrament of marriage within the Mass, but solidifying the covenant in which two people bind themselves with those words, too.

If they were just words, just promises you do your best to hold for the rest of your life come rain or shine, then anything would be good to go and perfectly acceptable. The twist is, they aren’t.

Vows are not just words. They are not just promises that you do your best to uphold.

I mean, they are also those things, but they are first and foremost transformative exchanges of grace. They tie two people together as one person. Normal words don’t do that. 

Since going to those 10 weddings in seven months, we have heard countless ways that people vow to spend the rest of their lives together. I cry almost every time. No matter how people tie the knot, marriage is too much a gift for me to not cry, as two more people in this world set out to live its beauty.

And my husband and I are reminded of, once again, the sacredness that lies in the traditional Catholic vows. They may not be the most popular way that people get married these days, but they will forever remain the only way that two people become one, in such a way that they are no longer able to break the bond themselves.