Planning Your Future Wedding? Consider This Before You Make Your Guest List!

I have attended a lot of weddings. A. LOT.

All through my life, I’ve been to weddings where the attendees are 400 strong, weddings with less than 20 guests, outdoor receptions, indoor receptions, summer weddings, winter weddings . . . you name it, I likely have attended one. And the vast majority are absolutely lovely in very different ways!

One of the most influential factors when planning a wedding is how big or small you want your wedding to be. The size of the guest list affects more than most couples think, until they’re in the throes of wedding planning themselves. There are some very practical pros and cons to take into account to make decisions easier for you as an engaged couple.

Let’s get a quick note out of the way first: “big” versus “small” will mean different things for different people. For the purposes of this article, I generally refer to “big” as a triple-digit guest list, and “small” as a double-digit guest list. More importantly, consider each pro and con based on your individual circumstance!

1. Consider Your Guests’ Dynamics.

At a big wedding, all your guests will have someone to hang out with! Usually, guests at a big wedding will know at least one or two other attendees, and can hang out in groups and sit together. This makes for a very enjoyable party for a large crowd.

But, the con here is you as a newly married couple will get almost no time to interact with your guests. There will simply be too many people there to see them all! This can lead to the bride and groom feeling rushed, flustered, and disappointed when they miss seeing treasured friends and family. This can also open the door to drama or stress if you’re dealing with extended family who have unhealthy family dynamics.

At a small wedding, you have the opposite effect. You as the married couple will get a lot more quality time with those who mean the most to you! At my small wedding, (the one I actually attended), there were probably a total of forty people, half of whom were immediate family. I got to personally greet and welcome every guest as they arrived, which meant a great deal to me.

But, on the flip side, there were a lot of people who didn’t get to be there on our special day. And, your guests won’t have a wide variety of company at your reception. This could be somewhat lonely for guests, but it can also minimize the opportunity for drama if you have difficult extended family dynamics.

2. Look At Your Budget.

Big weddings are usually more expensive, and smaller ones less expensive. Not always, of course, but typically that’s how things work. It is worth considering your budget to be the guest list limitation—you as a newly-married couple will NOT benefit from taking out a loan just to have more guests at your wedding.

So before sending out invitations, you should consider the costs of what you really want at your wedding. Make a list together of what is TRULY important to you both on that big day, and things you’d be willing to pass up in order to stay within budget. Don’t be afraid to send some heartfelt notes to people who didn’t make the guest list, and tell them that space and money limited your options. Most people are very understanding of budget limitations.

3. Evaluate Your Faith.

Big weddings are often seen as an opportunity to share your Catholic faith with others! After all, a marriage ceremony is a Sacrament and a delight to behold. Couples often have extended families who don’t share a Catholic faith, or friend groups who have never attended a Mass, or something along those lines. A wedding can be a great place to share your faith and give others the chance to encounter Christ, too.

However, the con lies in accidentally treating your wedding as a mission trip. Your wedding ceremony is about your marriage covenant, not about saving other souls and recruiting new converts.

Small weddings, on the other hand, usually offer a more focused and meaningful atmosphere to your ceremony and Mass itself. It’s a lot easier to focus on the Sacrament if the church is less crowded, or if most of your guests already share your faith, etc. As a couple embarking on a brand new vocation together, this can be a fantastic way to truly experience your marriage ceremony without distraction.

The con here is you can be too selfish in making the ceremony all about you. Weddings ARE about you and your marriage covenant; they are also a social Sacrament which requires a couple to be hospitable and welcoming to others, too.

4. Determine Your Venues.

Big weddings often qualify for more things like food trucks, DJs or bands, photo booths, etc. Many restaurants and other businesses want a minimum number of attendees in order to “cater” an event. Some will offer discounts for bigger crowds, too! Small weddings don’t have those perks, but they naturally open up a lot more venue options like little church halls, studios, restaurants, or even homes. At my twin sister’s pandemic wedding, we had dinner right in our parents’ dining room!

What type of venue are you looking for, and does it fit with your guest list? Make sure your guests are hosted in a comfortable temperature (too hot or cold is a specific danger with outdoor receptions,) have easy access to bathrooms, have plenty of food, and have enough elbow room.

5. Schedule Your Time.

Big weddings will take up more time in the day. There’s not really any getting around this, because people need to drive, park, walk, greet, and seat themselves for much of the day. Small weddings will simply take less time for people to do all these things. Weddings often run behind schedule, due to one thing or another.

So, as an engaged couple, it’s wise to look at the timeframe of your wedding day. Do you have too many things crowded into the morning or afternoon? Are there long empty hours between the ceremony and the reception, where guests will be left twiddling their thumbs?

As a rule of thumb, try to schedule your day with thirty-minute cushion times tacked on between events. You don’t want to be racing all day long, but you also want things to be prompt enough for your guests’ comfort. The bigger the guest list, the more cushion time you should plan between activities.

Happy wedding planning!