Has Social Distancing Made You Socially Awkward?

I have a confession to make: I’ve forgotten how to talk to people in a face-to-face setting.

And I’m an extrovert.

Here we are, more than a few months into this warped reality. What started off as “just a couple weeks” of social distancing in order to flatten the curve soon turned into months and MONTHS of social isolation. True to human form, we persevered by turning to our resources, using technology to keep us connected.

But technology can only take us so far.

When the Zoom calls end, we go back to our “real lives”, closing the digital platform of our social realm. How easily we’ve tricked our brains into putting a box around those social interactions! I know I have. Never before in our lives have most social interactions been reduced solely to seeing someone on a screen or hearing their voice over the phone. The control one has in ending those interactions by the click of a button gives way to a false ideal of socializing.

Like any skill, interacting with others takes practice. When we don’t practice that regularly, we fall out of the habit and thus become socially awkward. And once we get back into real-life social settings again, I anticipate that it is going to be quite difficult for many of us to socially "un-quarantine" ourselves.

What happens to the extrovert who recently spends most of her days within the confines of her home?

She goes out in public maybe once or twice a week at best, likely wearing a mask, and desperate for that human interaction. And in these public places like the grocery store, garden center, etc, there is no shortage of people to interact with.

But they too are all wearing masks and trying to keep their distance! If anyone is smiling under those masks, you can hardly tell, and so the typical social cues for striking up a conversation are taken away. The extrovert reaches for any open window of opportunity to fill that social tank, and if she sees something—anything—she fervently strives to seize it, and pour all of her human connection needs into that one moment. Which ends up being very awkward for all parties involved.

My first small group gathering since full quarantine ended was similarly awkward. Here, a few of us were meeting in a friends’ home, and I found myself doing all I could to hold back from wanting to say too much all at once. Or hug everybody. Or ask a million questions. It was a like a reservoir was trying to burst inside of me from all the pent up months of a significantly reduced social life.

And all you introverts out there meet your own set of problems.

It’s likely that quarantine has affected you in other ways. You probably don't long for social settings like us extroverts, and maybe even dread the weekly public errands. You’ve appreciated the fact that people keep their distance in public, and quite possibly relish the time you get to spend at home with a cleared social calendar.

But what happens when you find yourself in that first face-to-face meeting? When your office opens up again and you need to talk with your coworkers more often than just the 40-minute Zoom limit? It’s quite likely that social distancing has caused you to fall out of the habit of conversation.

I know for my introverted husband, that first small group meeting in our friends’ home was a very silent one on his end. He expressed to me later that he felt the need to just be a sponge and absorb everything that was going around him—that alone was enough for him.

So how do we step out into the world again with social grace and confidence?

I'm not going to lie, I'm still figuring it out myself. But here's what I think...

For both extroverts and introverts, social skills are somewhere between riding a bike again and learning how to drive. On one hand, just a few tries get you back into the habit, but on the other hand, there are some skills that must be taught (or re-taught).

Give these tips a try...

• Be patient with yourself and others. Take baby steps. Don't suddenly fill up your social calendar as soon as your state's stay-at-home order ends. Ease back into things. Keep in mind that everyone is relearning social skills too, while also learning new ones per health recommendations. I've gotten pretty tired of hearing the tagline, "we're all in this together"... but it actually does apply to this point quite well.

• Practice good listening skills. It is tempting after months of isolation to turn any face-to-face conversation into a monologue about your own life. After all, our worlds have really become very small, so the smallest things are always on the forefront of our minds. But while everything your neighbor shares might remind you about something in your own life, make yourself listen twice as much as you speak. And for you introverts, don't default to listening mode and forget to interact altogether! Asking good questions is a great way to nurture a conversation without turning it too much on yourself, or closing in on yourself.

• Find moments of spontaneity. When you see the UPS guy delivering your fifth online shopping order this week, step out on your porch at a socially acceptable distance and say hello. Or go for a walk in your neighborhood and chat over the fence with your neighbors. The conversations that aren't just scheduled via electronic invite aids both extroverts and introverts in building those skills again.

With time and practice, we will all find our social groove again. And even if you aren't the life of the party when the world opens up again, the Christian call to charity and love of neighbor will prevail.