A Step-by-Step Guide to Making Friends Without Being Awkward

I recently moved and I knew absolutely no one.

So there I was…a new face in a new town. I had just moved with my family 1,000 miles across country, from the hustle and bustle of the Denver metropolis to the quiet Minnesota bluffs of the Mississippi River. And we hardly knew a soul.

We had been there about a week and much of it was spent in the house unpacking our masses of boxes. But on the few occasions that I made it out in public, I found my extroverted self starving for social interaction.

But there’s the problem….when you’re new to a place, how exactly do you go about meeting new friends, without it being super awkward or forced? In our growing world of social media interactions, real-life friendships are more difficult to strike up, and initiating a conversation with a stranger is almost unheard of.

Maybe you haven’t made a recent move like me, but perhaps you're looking to expand your social circle. That cool hipster-looking girl that you always seem to sit near at Mass on Sunday shouldn’t remain just your “friend crush.” How about making her a real friend? Or how about that new guy at your work? No one seems to talk to him during lunch break, and maybe you’re the type of friend he needs to help him along.

Whether you’re a new face in town like me, or just looking to put some new faces in your life, here are 5 steps to take for making that first connection, the essential start to a new friendship:

Step 1: Find a conversation starter.

This could be something as simple and cliche as, “Wow the weather sure is ___ today!” There’s a reason the weather is a cliche conversation between strangers: it’s something everyone has in common. No subjectivity there. Or think about what setting you’re in. Is it a parish? Ask them how long they’ve been attending. A coffee shop? Ask them what the best coffee shops around are. Something easy to help break the ice.

Step 2: Introduce yourself.

Once the conversation has started, stick out your hand and say, “I’m ____, by the way.” 10 times out of 10, when I have introduced myself first, the other person will follow with an introduction of themselves (and anyone they are with). It is a much more natural way of finding out who someone is, other than asking, “What’s your name?” or just waiting for them to make the introduction.

Step 3: Remember his or her name.

This is, admittedly, my achilles' heel in my basket of social skills.

Two tips I’ve found to help: try asking them for their last name…for some reason, knowing a last name helps seal common names like Sam or Jennifer better in my memory. Or try some sort of mnemonic device to remember their name, until you can write it down or put it in your phone later.

One of the best classes I took in college was American Sign Language, where the first thing we learned was the alphabet. When someone tells me their name, I sign it with my hand (which is usually at my side or wrangling my child or something….not in front of the person’s face—that would be weird!). Something about hearing the name audibly and then signing it with my hand connects the audio-tactile parts of my brain, and I remember it better.

If you happen to forget their name the second time around, it’s okay to ask them again casually and politely, because chances are they might’ve forgotten yours too. But don’t let it get past the second meeting to clarify their name, because after that it will be awkward to ask.

Step 4: Get connected.

This might be the most awkward part, and it is not always achieved on the first meeting. But if you’re going to have a chance at a real connection with this person, you’re going to need a way to connect with them again.

I’ve found that it’s easiest to get a number when you offer to give yours first, much like the introduction. This also helps if you have a reason for giving or getting their number. Something like, “I’m new to the parish/neighborhood/etc. and would love to hear about some cool festivals in town. Would you keep me posted?" Or if a phone number seems too forward, see if you can connect with them via social media (which has still gotta be good for something, right?).

Step 5: Make an invitation.

This is where friends are made. If you’ve got something going on that you can invite this person to which will allow for a longer conversation and more intentional time, do it! Young adult night, a sports league, Bible study, birthday party- you name it! Really anything that will give you time to get to know each other.

You’ve got their number now, so a phone call or text message is just fine for an invite if you don’t get a chance to do so face-to-face. Be bold and make that ask, because people are honored by an invitation.

And there you have it. Five easy, quick steps on meeting new people and making new friends. Happy befriending, everyone!