Men, Earn Her Respect like John Wayne
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There has never been and never will be a movie star like John Wayne.
From his starmaking turn in 1939’s Stagecoach to his swan song in 1976’s The Shootist, Wayne was consistently the top draw actor in the United States, headlining dozens upon dozens of classic films while packing movie houses and earning the undying love of the American public.
This was more than raw talent and charisma (though despite what some critics then and now say, he had a great deal of both, as his performances in She Wore a Yellow Ribbon or Red River or The Searchers amply demonstrate); it was the persona, the on-screen identity he presented and partially reflected in real life that attracted so many millions of admirers.
Wayne was, of course, far from perfect (among other things he married three times), but his virtues earned him the respect of millions both in and out of the film industry, and we would do well to learn from him in this regard. Afterall, a woman wants to be able to respect the man she marries as well as love him, and so if we wish to attract one of the lovely leading ladies of CatholicMatch, we ought to act as leading men.
1. Meet people on their own ground.
In contrast to his screen persona, John Wayne was actually a fairly educated man; he got top grades in school, wrote for the student newspaper, and started his college career studying pre-law. He was a history buff, an expert on Native American culture, and a skilled chess player.
At the same time, he was also a blue-collar farm boy who liked beer, sports, and cards and who once knocked out Frank Sinatra’s bodyguard. His public persona was no sham, but he emphasized the aspects of his personality that he knew would appeal to the average moviegoer.
The idea isn’t to put up a false façade, of course, but to try to connect with people on their own level. Don’t try to show off and impress them, but find out what they are passionate about and talk about that.
Again, this isn’t manipulation, it’s courtesy; if you took someone out to dinner, you would first learn their tastes in food. In the same way, when you’re trying to get to know them, find out what they’re interested in or passionate about and make that your point of connection.
This doesn’t just facilitate conversation, but it also shows interest in and respect for the other person. It sends the message that you value their perspective, and that they’re not just a sounding board for your own greatness. Showing respect is a good way to earn it.
2. Be professional and lose the ego.
John Wayne was one of, if not the biggest movie star in the world for over three decades. But during all that time he never became a prima donna like some other stars. He’d spent his early years working quick, cheap ‘B’ pictures, where you were expected to show up on time, know your lines, and pitch in anywhere you were needed, because we need to save as much money as possible and if you’ve got a problem with that we can find a dozen other actors who don’t.
That experience never left him (his mentor and frequent director John Ford saw to that with his famously harsh treatment). From beginning to end, Wayne was a consummate professional on set, and when he wasn’t filming he’d often be lending a hand to the crew by setting up props or running messages.
No one respects a man who either feels his own job is beneath him or who looks down on others for theirs. If a job needs to be done, do it and do it right. It is not the truly strong, secure man who blusters and tries to guard his ego, it is the weak, insecure man who knows the fragility of his position and so tries to guard with bluff what he can’t back up with truth. If you want others to respect you, don’t try to demand their respect, but earn it.
3. Be honest and hold to your convictions.
John Wayne was not the kind of actor who constantly tries to reinvent himself either out of ego or to keep up with current trends.
The films he made toward the end of his career—Big Jake, True Grit, The Shootist—expressed the same fundamental principles as the films he made at the start of his career. Wayne made the films that he felt expressed the ideals he believed in, and he maintained those same ideals even after they fell out of fashion.
Now, the point isn’t that you should agree with Wayne’s principles, but that he had the honesty and integrity to hold and own up to them even when it threatened to damage his career. When the rest of Hollywood was churning out anti-Vietnam War films, for instance, Wayne spent his own money to finance the pro-war film The Green Berets. Critics hated it; audiences made it a hit.
There is a tendency, especially these days, to be very cautious about what ideas or views we express, to feel as though we have to tailor them to fit into one or two pre-set boxes. But the truth is that honesty and conviction are themselves very attractive traits.
Hardly any two people fully agree on anything anyway, and within some limitations, most people respect you more for holding to your convictions than for sharing theirs. Say what you think is true and do what you think is right, and let the other person agree or disagree as they may.
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