Want to See Love with Fresh Eyes?

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The song "Fresh Eyes" by Andy Grammer tells a story about seeing something or someone in a new light.

Every time I hear it, I think about a young woman who has struggled to see love from a new perspective. If you will...with fresh eyes.

My friend had a rough initiation into adulthood. Most of the difficulties came from a stubborn and independent streak that began her senior year of high school and lasted into college.

She was determined to cut her own path rather than journey the fairly straight and narrow path carved by her parents. Sadly, her choices resulted in life altering experiences; a tainted view of love, a brush with drug addiction and becoming pregnant.

When she finally hit bottom, she had nowhere to turn but to her family who, with great difficulty, showered her with mercy. They reopened their home to her and their grandchild. They changed their work schedules so that the infant would be cared for while their daughter returned to college to complete her degree.

They extended true love to her through the gifts of stability and security.

Despite the family's love and sacrifice, the young woman retained a tainted view of love.

In her eyes, she was a loser; damaged goods. She was convinced that she didn't deserve to be loved. She was sure that she would never become intimately known again because no one would want her or her baggage.

Then, something happened that recalibrated her journey. In order to complete her degree, she was required to do multiple hours of either volunteer or paid work in the health field. She found employment taking care of a disabled couple who needed assistance getting ready for the day or retiring in the evening.

The work was tough but oddly rewarding. Day by day, she found herself refreshed by the care she provided. She couldn't explain why, it just felt right to be giving something meaningful to other human beings in need.

When she and I talked about it, I asked her to define love.

She said that she used to think it was a feeling that made you feel good. But now, she knew that it was much more than sentiment. It was a decision to do what is right for someone else. Love was about the other person.

Fresh eyes... she was developing fresh eyes. She was learning that real love is not a feeling but rather a decision to help someone else be all they can be. She began to see love as her capacity to will the good of the other.

Everyone noticed the change that was happening. She was more content, more joyful in spirit. Life was becoming a blessing, not a burden for her. She completed her degree and internship. She found a good paying job.

And, she also started to date again.

Her fresh eyes allowed her to see her new relationship as a give-and-receive encounter and not a "make me feel good" experience. The last time we talked, she was openly thrilled to tell me about the guy she was seeing and how he was integrating into her family. She radiated as she described his affection for her child and his growing attachment to her.

Fresh eyes are so wonderful! What will it take for you to see yourself and future relationships with fresh eyes? Consider the following.

  • Provide service to others. Commit yourself to caring for others. Lose yourself in someone else's life.
  • Accept the help of others. Stop trying to do everything for yourself and by yourself. Strive to become more interdependent.
  • Stop entertaining hopeless thoughts. Cast them away and replace them with prayers of thanksgiving, petition, and requests for forgiveness. God's mercy and grace overflows when you stay in touch with him.

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