Are You Ready to Date? A Checklist for Annulled Catholics

Is now the right time to take that next step?

Divorce can be a complicated process and it often leads to hurt feelings and mixed emotions. Once you’ve completed your divorce and your annulment, you are prepared to enter into a new relationship. But how do you know if you’re ready?

There are many ways to try and navigate this question but all of them involve taking a deep dive into your own heart. It can feel uncomfortable but it is often eye-opening and illuminating on the direction you should go. With my work at a law firm, I have seen the highs and lows of the divorce and annulment process and I have a few tips that every Catholic should consider before dating again.

Below are the four big topics you should think through to know if you’re ready to date again. 

Have you moved on? 

There are ways you need to distance yourself from your previous marriage, this includes getting a legal divorce and an annulment decree. As a Catholic, receiving an annulment officially separates you from your previous marriage. While a divorce ends a marriage in the eyes of the law, an annulment is an ecclesiastical decision where what was believed to be a valid sacramental, Catholic marriage is declared to have never been a marriage in the first place.

When you’re trying to decide if you’re ready to date again, you should also consider if you’ve moved on emotionally. If you are still impacted by your past relationships and the hurt that came from them, you may not be ready to get back out there. Dive deep into how you truly feel about your divorce by asking these questions. 

● Do I think about my ex on a daily basis? 

● Am I still angry about what happened? 

● If I saw them today, how would I react? 

● Do I check their social media accounts often? 

By asking these questions you can start to understand if you’ve moved on or not. While you’ll never be able to get rid of memories, it’s important that they are no longer controlling. If you feel as though you’ve truly moved on from your past marriage, that’s a good sign that you may be ready to date again. However, this isn’t the only way to know if you’re ready to date again. 

Are you comfortable in yourself? 

If you answered “yes” to the first question and truly feel like you’ve moved on, the next thing to consider is your own confidence. A divorce can often leave you feeling inadequate and unsure of who you truly are. Before you put yourself back out there, you must be comfortable in your own skin and confident in yourself while you’re single. Below are some questions to help you decide where you’re at. 

● Do I feel calm and composed when I’m in social settings alone? 

● Do I speak my mind? 

● Am I confident in my decision making? 

● Do I utilize my strengths? 

While we all show our confidence differently, these questions can help you decide if you’re truly comfortable in yourself. Someone who is ready to date shouldn’t feel broken because they are single. You should feel whole as a person. If you still feel like you need another person to complete you, it’s not the right time to date again.

Do you know what you want? 

To better understand if you’re ready to date again after divorce, you need to analyze your intentions. There can be many reasons why you want to put yourself back out there, but not all of them are good. Below are some questions to ask yourself to see if you’re wanting to enter a relationship for the right reasons. 

● Do I want to date to make my ex jealous? 

● Am I ready for another commitment or do I just want to go on dates? 

● Did I first think about dating when I felt lonely? 

While these questions can help you decide if you’re wanting the right things out of a relationship, there are other desires you should focus on. You’ve come out of a marriage and now you have insight into what worked, what didn’t, and what your ex did that hurt you. With these things in mind, you should decide what kind of person you’re looking for and never settle for anything less. 

Do you have kids? 

A big factor to consider when you’re trying to decide if you should date again is your children. Dating someone new can be a very difficult concept for your kids to understand. They could be elated or they could feel dejected. This is something you’re going to have to walk through with them and help them understand your reasons for dating. Remind them that it won’t impact the relationship the two of you have. 

However, before you talk to your children about your intentions of dating again, be sure that you are totally ready. Once you feel like you’re over your ex, feel confidence in yourself, and possess the right intentions, you know you’re ready to date again. Only then should you sit your children down and talk with them about it. 

If you didn’t have any kids with your ex, this section can still be applied. Do you have family and friends who are there to support you, or are they suggesting that you don’t date just yet? The people in your life can be great checks into the intentions of your heart. 

Dating again after divorce and annulment is a weighty thing to navigate. The path can often seem confusing and uncertain, but the best place to look for guidance on your preparedness is within yourself. Ask yourself deep questions to get to the root of your mindset, desires, and intentions. Once you’ve decided you’re ready, just take the first step and see where this new adventure takes you.