Have you ever felt like the best of life has passed you by?
Maybe you’re not a kid anymore. Yet you’re still single. Or divorced, and the prospect of finding love again seems doubtful.
Cultural expectations tell us we should be married or successful or have achieved certain milestones before a certain age. There’s even a movie title that jokes about it: The 40-Year-Old Virgin.
But like a lot of cultural expectations, these notions are not true. Everybody has their own story and circumstances. The fact that you are still single at 50 does not mean you are fundamentally flawed. We all have flaws, of course, and we should do what we can to improve ourselves in whatever ways we need to. But let’s not judge ourselves or our situation too harshly.
Consider these people who found success later in life:
Laura Ingalls Wilder wrote her famous “Little House” series of books when she was 65.
Gladys Burrill completed her first marathon at 86.
Ray Kroc launched the restaurant chain that became McDonald’s when he was 59.
These are famous examples of people who enjoyed worldly success.
Depending on your means, it is possible to pursue and achieve your dreams, regardless of your age.
The same is true with love.
I know people in their 70’s who are either divorced or have never been married, and they are perfectly content to stay single. They know who they are and what they want, and they have chosen their lifestyle.
I know others who are past a certain age but long to be in a loving marriage. And I have seen this dream come true for some. I’ve seen it in my own family. My uncle had his first of two children when he was 52. My father (after his and my mother’s divorce decades ago) fell in love and married again in his early 70’s.
Finding love later in life is not a bad thing. The heart has no age limit.
In fact, finding love later has its advantages.
Hopefully, when you are older, you have experienced more, and with that experience comes wisdom. You know better who you are, and what you want and don’t want. You’ve learned from mistakes and failures, and you’re better able to love another person well.
Another positive aspect of growing older, which can seem like a negative, is that you are also more aware that the clock is ticking. No one lives forever. As Christians, we have the hope of eternal life with God in Heaven, but life on Earth will someday end. As we approach middle-age and older, we sense this reality more and more.
But this awareness can be a blessing. It can teach us to not take things or people for granted, and to try to make the most of our time. As Jason Isbell says in his song Vampires: “Maybe time running out is a gift.” He goes on to sing:
If we were vampires and death was a joke
We’d go out on the sidewalk and smoke
And laugh at all the lovers and their plans
I wouldn’t feel the need to hold your hand
We are not vampires. The awareness of passing time and the inevitability that life will end can be a great gift, though. It makes us feel the urgency of the need to hold one another’s hand. To hug and laugh and be silly. To dream together and enjoy life as much as we are able. As Psalm 90:12 says: “Teach us to count our days aright, that we may gain wisdom of heart.”
God calls us to an abundant life if we follow Him and love one another.
It will never be without suffering and troubles, but it also doesn’t have to be without love and joy.
And God is always with us if we seek Him. “Even to your old age I am he, even when your hair is gray I will carry you. I have done this, and I will lift you up, I will carry you to safety” (Isaiah 46:4).
Whether you are unwillingly single, divorced, or widowed… as long as you have breath, there is hope you can still find love if you want. Some will find it harder than others. For some, it will seem easier. It may look different than you imagined. But all God asks is that we submit our desires to Him, pray and seek His will for us, and trust that He will provide what we need.
I am in my mid-forties now. I recently married. My wife is just a few years younger, so we both married around middle age. Like my dad, I have decided to pursue further education. I’m working on a master’s degree in screenwriting. I’m working on projects that satisfy me creatively. I’m not giving up. Why would I? I’d rather be a good steward of whatever time God has given me.
So take heart. 2 Corinthians 4:16 assures us: “Therefore, we are not discouraged; rather, although our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.”
