Chug and Debbie, after years of being single, felt called to be in an authentically Catholic marriage.
Initially, there were a few obstacles in the way of their relationship because neither wanted to date long distance. Plus, both Chug and Debbie imagined they’d marry someone more like themselves. It was their openness to step outside of their comfort zone that made their relationship flourish.
Chug's story:
Chug, who prefers his childhood nickname to his real name Robert, thought he would never marry again.
He’d been married nearly three decades when his wife divorced him. It took Chug years to heal with the help of counseling and divorce recovery classes. Eleven years after his divorce, he received his annulment, but he still wasn’t interested in dating.
Prayer life and volunteering kept him busy, and he felt like his life was full.
"I was a happy single practicing Catholic. I attended daily Mass, adoration several times each week, prayed the Rosary and Divine Mercy chaplet daily, and I volunteered 25 to 30 hours weekly at a local retirement home and hospice," he says.
Something changed for Chug at the beginning of Lent 2015.
To his surprise, he began to think that God wanted him to marry again. He sensed this so strongly that he felt compelled to speak to his spiritual adviser who advised him to pray about it.
"Towards the end of Lent, I mentioned to one of the other priests at my church that what we Catholics needed were matchmakers—he responded simply, 'CatholicMatch.' I laughed, and he repeated it. So I signed up after Easter 2015."
He put a lot of work into his search.
Chug spent considerable time making a profile, and he included a custom interview for interested members to fill out—one that highlighted his sense of humor. He also tried to be honest about what he wanted in a wife.
"I restricted my search to members my age plus or minus six years, who were practicing and accepted all the Church teachings, and who were available to be married in the Church," he explains.
He was looking for a woman that lived nearby and who had a professional background. Chug believed that there was more than one Catholic woman that had the potential to be a good match, but meeting one depended on individual circumstances and timing.
He responded to every woman who looked at his profile!
Chug was surprised by how many women reached out to him. He responded to each of the women who contacted him or viewed his profile.
If he didn't think they were a match for him, he thanked them for looking at his profile and wished them good luck in their search.
After a year of being on CatholicMatch with some success—but not yet meeting someone he wanted to marry—Chug changed his parameters to a 125-mile radius. Plus, he offered to meet with anyone who seemed interesting.
Her profile caught his eye.
In late July 2016, Debbie from Steubenville, Ohio, looked at Chug's profile. Chug liked what he saw in her profile about her active prayer life and her involvement in church ministries.
One thing that caught his eye about Debbie was that her children looked like his kids.
"Both of us have children who are half-Asian, and in the pictures we both had posted, it looked like our children could be cousins."
Chug messaged Debbie and told her he'd like to get to know her better.
Debbie's story:
Like Chug, Debbie had been married for a long time—27 years—and the divorce was devastating. Unlike Chug, she rushed into joining CatholicMatch after her divorce was final, but before her annulment was complete.
"Big mistake! Sure enough, I met someone right away who I saw briefly but ended disastrously," says Debbie, who was in her 50s at the time. "The plus side is that I realized I was in no shape or form ready to even think of a new relationship. My counselor graciously talked me through it, and I started seriously pursuing and praying for healing."
Debbie did return to CatholicMatch later with the expressed thought that she would not get seriously involved until she had an annulment. She says that CatholicMatch's forums were especially helpful.
"I loved the mini-community it formed, and I especially loved the women's only room where my fellow sisters would often console and pass on wisdom gained," she shares. "I made a lot of friends. In retrospect, every one of them helped me sort out what I was looking for."
I wanted an authentically Catholic marriage.
Debbie had a short prayer that she said, "Dearest Lord, let me live an authentic, faith-filled marriage at least once before leaving this life if it be your Holy Will."
Eventually, after her annulment, Debbie met a good man, but their relationship ended after they started discussing marriage.
"I realized that we weren't on the same plane when it came to living out our faith. With a heavy heart, I ended it, thinking that I was not meant to remarry. I left CatholicMatch, deciding to spend time with my grandkids and claim 'Cat Lady' status. No more dating for me!"
It was time to get back to CatholicMatch.
Debbie threw herself into helping with music ministry and doing the flowers for her church. She also started a divorce recovery group using Lisa Duffy's "Divorced. Catholic. Now What?"—a program that she found on CatholicMatch.
Close to a year after that painful breakup, she rejoined CatholicMatch.
"I still felt like it just wasn't going to happen. I had truly enjoyed CM for the community aspect, if nothing else, so joined again. So now I'm in my 60's, and I thought it was even more unlikely I'd find a partner. Two weeks later, going through profile after profile, thinking there's just no one out there for me, I click on Chug's because I liked the look in his eyes."
But, he's too far away!
To her disappointment, she realized that Chug lived in the Washington, DC area—290 miles away—and she didn't want to date long distance.
"But Chug's such a gentleman. He had a policy of responding to everyone who viewed his profile, whether he felt there was potential or not, to offer encouragement," she says.
Despite her living too far away, he expressed interest in Debbie. He asked her if she wanted to continue to communicate.
Chug also asked her if her children were Eurasian. "His are half Chinese, and mine are half Japanese. We both share Irish/German heritage, so our kids seriously look like cousins!"
The way Chug took his prayer life seriously and his extensive volunteering at nursing homes and hospices impressed Debbie. But after talking to him, Debbie realized that Chug was also thoughtful, polite, and a man of action.
After a couple of weeks of written and phone conversations, Chug asked if he could come to meet Debbie. His initiative pleased her because one thing she learned from her seven years on CatholicMatch was the importance of meeting early on to determine if there is anything worth pursuing.
In August 2016, Chug drove five hours to meet Debbie.
Coming into downtown Steubenville, he thought to himself, "A neutron bomb must have gone off here."
"The local economy declined and contracted after the steel mills started closing and shedding thousands of jobs over approximately a 30-year period from 1985 to 2005. The population of the city of Steubenville declined from approximately 30,000 people in 1970 to less than 18,000 people in 2018," he explains.
If things worked out between him and Debbie, Chug would be living in Steubenville.
"Debbie told me that if the relationship went anywhere, I needed to know that she was not willing to move. She had a daughter and three granddaughters who live in Steubenville, and she loved her church and parish community."
That lady could help me get to Heaven.
Chug and Debbie began their date with adoration at the Portiuncula at Franciscan University followed by coffee. "We talked for five hours," they recall.
Chug adds, "On the drive home that evening, I said to myself, 'That lady could help me get to heaven.' Which is the primary point of a Catholic marriage."
After their first successful date, Chug and Debbie would meet up every four to five weeks. In between, they'd do video calls via Google Hangouts for usually one and two hours each evening."
During their calls, they discussed books that they read together. "Our favorite books were Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs and Fr. Thomas Morrow's Christian Dating in a Godless World. They also always ended their conversations with prayers.
After about three months, in mid-September 2016, during a visit, Chug told Debbie that he wanted them to be exclusive.
The surprising thing about this relationship is that each of them had been looking for different things in a potential spouse, but somehow they were still a good match.
"We are very different. On the temperament scale, Chug's a double extrovert and choleric/sanguine, while I'm a double introvert and phlegmatic/melancholic," she shares. "Also, Chugs being an accomplished professional was looking for the same, while I, a stay-at-home homeschooling mom, thought I would end up with someone quiet like me. All these differences—plus the inherent male/female differences—meant that it was essential to be able to communicate well and learn to understand and forgive our various quirks."
She adds, "All that work I did in learning about Catholic marriage, plus the counseling we both went through really paid off."
Meet me at the Portiuncula.
After a year of visits back and forth and daily video calls, Chug told Debbie he'd come see her for a few days.
He told her he’d like to revisit the Portiuncula. “After going to adoration at the Portiuncula, we came outside where I proposed,” he recalls. “She accepted immediately.”
Chug and Debbie were joined in Holy Matrimony on St. Patrick's Day 2018 at Debbie's parish in Steubenville, Holy Family. They bought a house in Steubenville, and Chug says he loves living there despite his first impression of the city.
"God has been very good to us. His plan is always far better than our own, and we are very grateful," they say.
