3 Ways to Make the Best of Lonely Nights

I had never lived on my own before I got married. I went to college locally in my hometown and lived in my childhood home until the day I got married. I had no experience living by myself.

Leading up to and after my divorce, I moved back home and lived with my parents.

While I was excited the day my family helped me move into my new apartment, I knew I was going to have to figure out how to live on my own. I was happy and looking forward to starting this new chapter of life, but one of the hardest things was learning how to deal with the loneliness, specifically lonely nights.

I had to learn a lot while I started living on my own for the first time.

I remember it felt so weird and sad sometimes, coming home to my empty apartment. After a stressful or rough day at work, coming home to the quiet was painful, and I wished sometimes there was someone I was coming home to be with.

Things like cooking dinner for myself or watching one of my favorite TV shows or movies were simple things I had to learn how to do by myself.

Going to bed alone was difficult sometimes; when I woke up from a bad dream and was scared there was no one to rub my back and remind it was just a dream and that I was safe.

Loneliness is painful and scary. It hurts and can feel overwhelming, because it is just you.

Early on I talked with my counselor, and decided when I felt lonely I would do my very best to not numb or ignore it, but feel the feeling and acknowledge it. You cannot outrun the loneliness you will feel after a divorce; if you try, it will catch up to you.

When we “feel” and name those painful emotions (like loneliness) it takes away some of the power and energy we give them. One thing I found particularly helpful was inviting Jesus into my loneliness, for He of all people knew what it was to feel lonely.

I am sure Jesus felt lonely when his disciples didn’t understand His words and when the abandoned Jesus in Gethsemane. Or what about when Jesus hung upon the cross? Those must have been some of His loneliest moments during the Passion.

Over time, the lonely nights were few and further apart. It was easier to be alone, and I learned to do it in a healthy way that did not leave me isolated or full of self pity.

Here are several things that helped me get through those lonely nights as I learned how to do life on my own after my divorce:

1. Date Nights with Jesus

Is there a local Eucharistic Adoration chapel near your home? I was so grateful to find a perpetual one near my home. There was something so comforting knowing Jesus was always there hidden in the Eucharist waiting for me, especially when I felt lonely.

In some of my lonely nights, I would go and keep Jesus company. Sometimes I would go and just sit or read. Other times I would cry and just talk out loud to Jesus, while there were other days I would take my Bible and journal and just write.

Making time weekly to go to Eucharistic Adoration is always good, but I would most especially encourage you to go when you are feeling lonely. There is something about sitting with Jesus that eases the sting of loneliness.

2. Find New Things To Do

Sometimes you just have to push yourself to do something even if it is the last thing you want to do. It was a huge learning curve for me learning how to go and do things on my own.

I will be honest it felt really weird at first, especially with things like going to a movie or eating at a restaurant. But in a strange way, those intentional choices gave me a boost of confidence each time I went outside of my comfort zone. And those little actions led to me making bigger ones.

Eventually I joined a running group. I went to young adult activities through my diocese on my own. I allowed myself to be set up on a few blind dates by trusted friends in my life.

Do not be afraid to try new things just because you have no one to share it with. Step outside your comfort zone and let yourself be surprised by life.

3. Keep a Gratitude Journal

Count your daily gratefuls. Every day for 5 or 10 minutes. Set a timer and just start counting your blessings, all the ways God loves and cares for you.

Practicing gratitude on a daily basis was a reminder to me (even when I felt like I was at my worst) that there is always a blessing to be found in life. And on those nights I felt most lonely, this was such a gift to me. It changed the attitude of my heart and even helped me find joy and peace in some of those times.

What helps you work through those lonely moments or nights? Are there certain practices that have helped you grow stronger in your spirit?