How To Cope With Being The ONLY Single At Family Holidays
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So you’re going to be the only single at the family holiday. Again.
Right after the pie is cut, Uncle Bob is going to ask when you’re going to settle down already. When presents get passed out, your parents will mutter about wanting grandchildren while looking right at you. Or Cousin Sally will proudly announce her engagement—or worse, her boyfriend will propose right there under the mistletoe!
It happens. Christmas doesn’t exclude heartache. And if you’re the only lonely, it can get harder year after year. What’s a Catholic single to do?!
We’ve got your back. Here are four strategies to cope with being the ONLY single at family holidays:
1. Buddy up with a friend.
If you have a dear friend or a good buddy who is also single this time of year, serve as each others’ plus-ones at both family events! It’s the opposite of bringing a wingman to talk you up to potential dates: you’re bringing a wingman to stop people from talking about your dates! It isn’t nearly as awkward as it sounds.
You can each inquire with the respective hosts whether you can bring your “friend who has nowhere to go that day.” Just be sure to check ahead of time with the host and any patriarch/matriarch who reigns supreme, to make sure there will be no ruffled feathers. This way, you can occupy your relatives with introducing and getting to know your friend, rather than discussing your romantic life.
If you have someone in particular who you just know is going to pester you, brief your wingman—he can happily change the topic or keep this aunt busy elsewhere. Most families are happy to meet someone important to you, even if it’s not a significant other. And, of course, you can enjoy a friend’s good company instead of mulling on your relationship status.
2. Prep your conversation ammunition.
People usually ask, “Hey, how are you?” right off the bat. If this generic opening gets a vague answer, they often default to asking about romantic lives. So, an easy coping strategy is to jump into a great topic, before the conversation can wander to your love life! Usually, this works best when you have two or three new, positive, or exciting things to talk about: think a cool vacation, a new pet, a magnum opus project, etc.
Then when someone asks you, “What’s new?” don’t say, “not much.” Instead, answer with “I am loving my new job!” or “I recently picked up knitting!” or “I am getting back into running.” Steer the conversation toward topics you are genuinely excited to talk about and share! People will be less interested in your love life if you are excited to share about something else. So do a little prep work, and come to the party armed with a few great things going on in your life right now.
3. Put your relatives to work!
When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Or, when nosy Aunt Opal hands you her cousin’s friend’s Catholic daughter’s phone number, take it. Romantic networking can happen through extended families! So instead of bemoaning being single yet again this holiday, start putting your relatives to work.
Whenever someone asks about your single status, ask some questions right back. Try: “I’m looking to meet new people, do you know anyone promising?” or “You’re in a pretty big church, if I recall—is there an active singles’ group there?” or even “Where do you think I should go to meet people?”
Sure, you will probably run across some bad advice or some unfortunate blind dates, but it’s also possible you could get connected with a great single. Anyone who truly wants to help can ask their friends, or their friends’ friends, to find a couple of potential dates for you. You don’t know until you try!
4. Reevaluate your attendance.
Maybe you’re from a family who doesn’t share your Catholic faith. Maybe your parents had a messy divorce and holidays have unhealthy dynamics. Perhaps you are in the midst of a very difficult breakup, or your own mental health is fragile right now. There are valid reasons where attending a family Christmas might do you more harm than good. If this is you, you may want to consider whether you should attend the big party at all this year.
I would caution against boycotting family holidays entirely; simply look into alternative ways to support the family traditions. You could schedule another event the same day, making time to participate for a little while before leaving early. You could send presents with your regrets of not being there. You might visit out-of-town relatives on other days instead, so you can wish everyone a merry Christmas in a safer environment.
Whatever you decide to do or not do, remember there’s always next year to try again. Missing a family holiday here or there is not a big deal, when you have valid reasons for doing so.
Being single can be hard any time of year.
It can be hardest around Christmas, especially when so many people seem to be finding their Mr. Right or planning a festive proposal. So take it easy on yourself! It’s okay to feel lonely, and it’s okay to go to Vigil Mass feeling left out.
Don’t take others’ romances as a personal offense to your singleness, as painful of a reminder it may be. That very well could be you next year, after all. And even if it isn’t, you are never forgotten and you are never unworthy of love. Christmas centers on God’s love, so great that He came down and became man for us. For YOU.
Single or married, it doesn’t make a difference to how much He loves you.
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