Tips for Mentally Preparing To Be a Single Gal for The Holidays

Last Christmas, I started talking to this guy I met on CatholicMatch. I really liked him. Things were going great, and we were making plans to meet each other for the first time. 

“So, you got a boyfriend for Christmas?!” My friend texted me. “Maybe?!” I responded. 

Well, New Years came and passed and he called off the whole thing to date someone else. No Christmas boyfriend for me. Cue “Last Christmas” by Wham!

Throughout the year, I dated here and there but I am buckling up for another single-girl-Christmas. But don’t cry for me! I’ve only ever celebrated Christmas as a single person, and I still enjoy it to its fullest. I have a few tips for embracing the season without slipping into an Elvis Presley “Blue Christmas” depression.

Before we get started, I want to tell you you’re not alone – even if it feels like you’re the last man standing in a sea of couples posing in front of Christmas trees. There’s hundreds of thousands of Catholic single folk out there, so take heart in knowing that we’re sharing the same experience.

Be mindful of your triggers

When festering over my most recent failed relationship, I intentionally listened to Taylor Swift’s Folklore album on repeat (who hasn’t?). It was cathartic to a point, but then it just put me in a melancholy mood for the rest of the day. Recently, I put on a romantic movie and found myself crying in the middle of it. I was having a great night up until that point and I knew that if I kept watching, it’d throw me into an emotional doomspiral. So, I turned it off. I felt empowered by my decision to take action over my mood.

We are in control of the emotional triggers we subject ourselves to. We can choose to opt out. This Christmas, you can choose what you expose yourself to or not. You can choose what media you consume. You can choose to stay off Facebook if engagement announcements send you into a tailspin of stress or envy. Similarly, if couples-only-parties are not enjoyable to you as a single person – don’t go. 

Now, this isn’t an excuse to become a complete recluse. Remember, Advent and Christmas are about hope and joy. You might meet someone new at a Christmas party, mixer, or event! Be open to opportunity while using discretion.

Spend time with kids

The holidays are simply more fun with kids. Their wonder, excitement, and anticipation is infectious and can completely transform your holiday experience. Hey, if it worked for the Grinch – it can work for us single folk! Besides, Jesus told us to have the faith of a child, so we can certainly learn a thing or two from kids. 

If you have kids in your life, whether it be nieces, nephews, cousins, or your friend’s kids, invest in activities with them! Go all out with movie nights, cookie baking, house decorating, snow fights, ice skating, etc. 

This past Thanksgiving, I spent so much time with my nieces and nephews that I didn’t even have time to worry about being single. Secondly, I was so overwhelmingly grateful for the love of these children that I couldn’t stop thanking God for how full my life is. Kids naturally inspire us to have perspective. They make us focus on the present moment and the people who are in our lives right now. This is infinitely more fulfilling than sitting at home, watching The Holiday for the zillionth time and crying about how Jude Law will never be our boyfriend. 

Create your own traditions

Have you ever thought, “I’m not gonna buy this furniture until I have a spouse and a house”? Sometimes we “wait” for a spouse to start our lives or to make our home. In the same token, don’t wait to create your own holiday traditions. Do special things for your own growth this season. Take yourself on a walk during the first snowfall. Visit Jesus in adoration every week. Have a fun night where you play music, order Thai food, and decorate your space. Do things that allow you to cherish your own company and reflect on the gifts God has given you in this year. 

In the same token, invite your friends over! Bring them into your tradition building efforts and allow them to invite you in theirs. Make new traditions together that you revisit every year, regardless of your relationship status. Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to attain a romantic partner that we forget about the lifelong friendships we need to invest in. Treat your girlfriends with the same amount of intentionality and love you’d want to receive from a boyfriend – they deserve it!

Weekly prayer date with God

I am no stranger to the “St. Ann, find me a man” novena. While there’s nothing wrong with joining up with the various Christmas novenas that end on Christmas day, I want to encourage you to be wary of unfair expectations. There have been times in my life where I’ve prayed novenas to meet my spouse at a specific event or by a certain date – only to be horribly depressed and disappointed when my dream guy didn’t drop from the sky. We aren’t supposed to pray novenas like they’re a transaction with God. We must honestly present God with our desires while remaining open to His perfect will, regardless of the outcome. 

I recommend planning a weekly date night with the Blessed Sacrament. Find an adoration chapel near you and commit to sitting with Our Lord for an hour every week. Trust me, if you’re feeling blue about being single – a sure way to feel better is spending time before the Eucharist. Bring your deepest emotions and thoughts to Jesus. He understands every ache and pain in your heart. He desires your fulfillment and joy more than anyone else. Sit before Him and let Him gaze upon you. Open your ears, let Him express His love for you. 

The best gift we can receive this year is greater intimacy with Christ. And while our hearts may ache to share this season with a significant other, remember that Jesus just wants to spend it in communion with you. His love is always enough.