Marry That Girl, Marry Her Anyway

Every time I hear the catchy love song: Rude (Marry that Girl) I want to heave a brick through the radio.

Saturday morning jumped out of bed

And put on my best suit

Got in my car and raced like a jet

All the way to you

Knocked on your door with heart in my hand

To ask you a question

'Cause I know that you're an old-fashioned man, yeah

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life?

Say yes, say yes 'cause I need to know

You say I'll never get your blessing 'til the day I die

Tough luck, my friend, but the answer is 'No'

Why you gotta be so rude?

Don't you know I'm human too?

Why you gotta be so rude?

I'm gonna marry her anyway

Marry that girl

Marry her anyway

Marry that girl

Yeah, no matter what you say

Are you thinking: Aw, poor guy! He tried his best. That dad is such a jerk!

That's what you are supposed to think. The song is, after all, from the boyfriend's point of view.

That's a tantrum...

But I am a parent and I know a tantrum when I see one:

Can't live without her 

Love me or hate me we will be boys 

Standing at that altar 

Or we will run away

To another galaxy, you know 

You know she's in love with me 

She will go anywhere I go 

What he's saying is: I'm taking her anyway! I HAVE to have her! I'm running away! FAR! You'll never find us! She likes me better than you—so there!

There are two sides to every story. We don't hear the dad's at all and it seems to come out of nowhere: Tough luck, my friend, but the answer is 'No'.

And man, is he ever stubborn:

The answer's still 'No'.

No reason. Just:

'No' still means 'No'!

This is the way spoiled kids always tell stories. They leave out the parent's side of the argument. Two possibilities: Either the truth is inconvenient or they just weren't listening. Probably both.

Let me explain.

So, as a parent, let me offer a few possible reasons why the dad would stubbornly say no:

All the boyfriend can talk about is what he wants. What about her? What is he going to do for her? He has not said one word about that. Her dad wants to see her happy with a man who loves her and will sacrifice for her as he has done since she was born. A real man understands that relationship and respects it. That's why they ask for father's blessings. But all this guy did to impress the dad was dress up. Then, when he doesn't get the answer he wants, he tells the dad he is just going to do what he wants anyway.

If I were the dad I'd be saying, If you're just going to do whatever you want anyway, why did bother to you ask?

That's not respect. That's putting on a show of respect.

I've often pondered why the custom of asking a woman's dad for her hand in marriage has survived even in this age of women's liberation. Is it just for show?

No. It's because it means something. It's an acknowledgement that a man respects a woman. He humbles himself to her father, often an intimidating figure, and proves to him that he will man up, and make sacrifices.

It's also a tacit acknowledgement that a woman—women's lib or not—is vulnerable to a man. Did you ever hear of a man's domestic violence shelter?

A woman I know told me she went through years of domestic violence. Guess how it started? "The first thing he did was move me several states away from my family. I had no parents, no cousins, nobody at all to oversee my courtship, my moods, my crying spells, my unhappiness with him." Another thing he did was tell her that her dad was no good. Often. Her dad's goodness and love for her shed a harsh light on his pathology. So he got her away from her dad and away from all who would stop him from having his way. That's what thieves do. They run off to enjoy their possessions where no one can find them.

Now think about the song. Does the dad's big fat stubborn 'No' make sense?

Maybe you're thinking: But it's just a catchy little love song. Lighten up!

Marry that Girl is a love song—I'll give you that.

Then why you gotta be so rude?

Because the person the guy is really in love with is...

himself.