How to Freshen Up Your Dating Life

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Do you feel stuck in a dating rut? Single blues got you down? Tired of the hamster wheel of dating? You’re not alone! Everybody gets worn out from the effort it takes to be in the dating scene these days. It’s not a bad thing, though. Take it as a sign to mix up your approach! After all, if you’re approaching dating the same old way you always have, you’re going to run into the same old ruts. Try one of these dating challenges, and shake up your dating life!

Every week, try to do this…

Go somewhere new in your usual routine.

You know your usual haunts, hangouts, groups, and parishes. The challenge is to mix it up for a while! Attend a different church on Sunday–or try attending at a different time than normal. Swing by a different coffee shop for your lunch break at work. Look up a few groups or clubs in your area, and try attending a meeting. The point is to put yourself in new environments!

Introduce yourself to two new people.

This is easier if you are doing the first challenge! The key here is finding something to talk about in the first place. Usually, you can find something in common like the homily at church, the food at the restaurant, or your dogs at the park. Practice approaching people, saying hi, and talking about that point of interest. No need to make these introductions only to cute members of the opposite sex, either! Talking to new people of your own gender is often easier. Your goal here is to overcome the anxiety of approaching someone new and to beef up your social network. 

Ask for contact information.

Don’t leave a conversation without a way to follow up with someone! When you meet someone fun or who shares your interests, or even someone who simply asked for a recipe, get their contact info! It could be a phone number, email, Instagram handle, whatever. The point is to forge a way to get in contact again–and then try to follow up with them. Again, this doesn’t have to be just dates–practice with potential friends of your own gender, too. You’re not trying to make lifelong connections here. You’re just throwing out your social net to see what fish you can catch!

In your online dating adventures, try this…

Talk to people who aren’t your “type.”

You might be surprised what crops up when you get out of your own way. Whether you send out a few messages to people you wouldn’t normally approach, or you respond to a few people who wouldn’t normally catch your eye, start engaging with people outside your box. Don’t limit yourself by sticking to a very specific appearance, age, location, prayer style, or personality type. God might have someone completely unexpected in mind for you. Open your horizons a little farther and see who you meet!

Skip over the messaging stage and get right to real-time talk.

Typing out messages isn’t for everyone. Daters can get bogged down in small talk, confused about how to message, and hesitant about moving forward.  If this is you, have you ever tried ditching it? CatholicMatch offers a video chat feature–try doing that right off the bat! Simply write on your profile or in your first message how you want to video chat ASAP, and see who is up for the challenge. 

Say yes to every date for two months straight!

Unless you have an outstanding reason (e.g. they’re not Catholic, or you feel unsafe), accept every single date invitation that comes your way, ladies. And if you’re a gentleman saying, “I usually do the inviting, Cadence!” your challenge is to ask for a date by the 5th online message, to every lady you message, for two straight months. Sometimes, finding romantic success is a numbers game! Fill up your Friday dinners and Saturday lunches with new singles. Seriously, pack your calendar with first dates for the next two months! See who you meet, what you learn, and who sticks around. The worst that can happen is you stay single, and the best . . . well, I’ll leave that to your imagination!

And don’t forget to nip these bad habits in the bud…

Stop the cold feet cancellations.

Especially if you’re an introverted melancholic (hi, yes, me too!), it’s easy to cancel a date last-minute. Maybe you’re tired, maybe you feel “peopled out,” or maybe you just don’t feel like putting on a smile and talking to a new person. Do it anyway. Don’t always give in to your emotions when they don’t line up with your goals. In this case, your goal is dating and meeting new people to find a good match. Pursue this goal and fight the cold feet!

Don’t let an online conversation peter out!

If it seems like things aren’t going anywhere, stop letting things slide silently into the grave. Instead, ask for the phone number, invite the person to video chat, or get a date on the calendar. If your phone call or date simply confirms you’re not meant for each other, that's great! You can kindly tell the date you’ve appreciated their time and wish them the best of luck with others. And who knows, you might actually hit it off instead.

Stop overthinking.

Ever heard of paralysis by analysis? It’s your dating archenemy, and it is usually the reason that the previous two bad habits crop up. Fight this! Online dating and phone calls are not intense marital discernment–they are simply a way to meet someone and strike up a conversation. Save the big questions like “can I marry this person?” for much later! If you find yourself freaking out and overthinking everything, remind yourself that you are only on the first step. Don’t worry about what might be coming five steps down the road. You’re just not there yet!

Remember, everybody gets tired of dating once in a while. Don’t let it deter you entirely or send you into a spiral of single’s despair. Perhaps all you need is a little reprieve–a couple of weeks to take a break and calm your worn-out soul. So, take a breather, bring everything to prayer, and return to the game with a fresh approach!

Find Your Forever.

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