When Forgiving Your Ex-Spouse Seems Impossible (Video)

I forgive you.

Those three words are often very difficult to say out loud because when you do, you run the risk of feeling cheated. Where is the justice for the crime committed against you? I have heard many people who have been divorced adamantly state they will never forgive their ex-spouses, that it is impossible for them. But, if there's one hard lesson I've learned in the years I worked to heal from my very unwanted divorce, it is there is no healing without forgiveness.

In my own experience with trying to find forgiveness for my ex-spouse in those first years of rebuilding after my divorce, I knew I had to do more than just think about forgiving him. So, I decided I would call my ex-spouse and actually tell him. I was trying to be merciful. My heart raced and my throat tightened with emotion as I prepared to utter the words I never thought would be possible... I forgive you.

Suddenly, I didn't have the words.

But at the precise moment I was to speak those words, the reality of what it means to be merciful hit me like a semi truck. It meant treating him mercifully when he didn't deserve it. He deserved my anger and retribution for all his crimes against me, and suddenly the idea of mercy and forgiveness became very difficult.

But with those thoughts also came the blessing of God's grace as I was reminded of my own sinfulness and how I've offended God; how I deserved his anger but never got it. I received God's mercy and forgiveness, instead. I needed to do the same for my ex-spouse.

With God's grace, I was able to say those words and with that, move forward. Regardless of what someone deserves, being merciful is a healing experience for both people and brings with it a little glimpse into how much the Father loves us; how monumental Jesus' sacrifice on the cross really was.

We have been blessed as Catholics to be part of an extraordinary season in the Church, the Jubilee Year of Mercy, which comes to a close November 20th. At Pope Francis's behest, repairing relationships through treating others with mercy has been a key factor in living out this time of special graces. If you've been struggling with rebuilding your life after divorce during this time, I'd like to share with you this second video in the 6 Keys To Healing mini-course to help you make progress on the road to healing.