I frowned as I stared out at the gray sky and all the snow that had piled up overnight. It was so cold, my sliding glass door had frozen shut and wouldn't open. But, even if it could open, I wouldn't go outside. Frankly, it wasn't just the weather that was making me feel sort of trapped. It was more that I had come to the realization that certain things in my life needed to change.
It was New Year's Day 1997 and I had been divorced for five years. I had worked hard to rebuild my life in different ways, but now I was ready to shed my past mistakes, which meant forgiving myself and resolving to be better.
January is always a great opportunity to make improvements, map out a new plan, change strategies or just make necessary adjustments to the one you have. So, here are ten big and little ways you can start making a difference in your everyday life.
1. Big: Do Something Risky
No, no, I'm not talking about going sky diving or anything like that. By "risky" I mean take a leap of faith. What things or behaviors are you clinging to you know you need to give up? For example, are you struggling with saying no to sex? Are you afraid of giving that up, even though you know you should?
Take a risk! Give this stumbling block to God in prayer, and let go! You can do it! Experience the freedom and joy that comes with self-mastery.
2. Little: Purge and Splurge
Clean out your drawers, clean out your closets, clean out your garage and attic. Donate it, trash it, burn it, whatever works. Then celebrate by treating yourself to a little something special.
3. Big: Don't Be That Person Anymore
One of the best and biggest changes a person can make is to substitute bad or negative behaviors with good, positive behaviors. The pain of divorce often leads to falling into negative patterns or nurturing self-indulgent behaviors.
An effective way to overcome these habits is to reflect on the things you don't like about yourself when you behave that way. Make a mental list of them and tell yourself, "I don't want to be that person, anymore." Ask God for the grace to change, and you will find the resolve you need.
4. Little: Stop Hitting the Snooze Button
Sleep specialists have found that snooze alarms disrupt your overall quality of sleep. As we sleep, our brains run through multiple sleep cycles that each last 90 minutes and consist of five stages.
"If you fall asleep after hitting the snooze button, you're setting yourself up for another sleep cycle that you have no chance of finishing," according to Robert S. Rosenberg, the medical director of a Sleep Disorders Center in Arizona.
So, if you're already feeling down or depressed, don't hit snooze! Get up right away and have a better day.
5. Big: Make a Weekend To Do List
Do you throw pity parties on the weekend? Stop the insanity and make yourself a to-do list on which you can cross off items as you complete them.
Think of all the times you've said, "I don't have time for ______." Those are precisely the activities that should be on this list. Exercise, reading the book your friend gave you, etc.
6. Little: Make Friends with A Saint
You have a multitude of friends in heaven just waiting for you to ask them for help, so why not pick one and get to know him/her? The best part is, it opens your eyes to the fact the saints had the same struggles we do. They can pray for you and help you be a better person if you follow their example.
7. Big: Go To Mass More Often
'Nuff said.
8. Little: Discover Yourself
Have you been so weighed down by your divorce situation that you've forgotten what you like to do, or how to have fun? Start rediscovering yourself now.
9. Big: Begin the Annulment Process
If you think you might want a future marriage in the Church, this is extremely important. But the annulment process is not simply an administrative process that renders a document. When approached with a sincere disposition the annulment process becomes an instrument of healing. Just talk to your parish priest about starting the process.
10. Really Big: Have a Transformational Experience
The Journey of Hope Conference for Divorce Recovery is August 4th-6th in Charleston, SC, and it is specifically designed to offer support to the Catholic divorced community through compassionate and inspiring speakers, uplifting music, good food, and fellowship with other Catholics who understand the divorce experience first-hand.
The great mix of presentations addressing the challenges divorced people face, times for prayer and reflection, and the opportunity to make new friends all work together to create a transformational experience.
