What Auschwitz Taught Me About Forgiving My Former Husband

Last summer I got to see where one of my best friends died.

You may know him as St. Maximilian Kolbe. But I know him simply as Max.

Our friendship began in the most unexpected of ways. Seven months after I got married I learned my husband was a sex addict. Scrambling for resources and help, I learned of of St. Maximilian’s patronages was those who battle addictions, but particularly sexual addiction. On a daily basis I would talk to Max; always asking his prayers for healing and restoration. When I didn’t know what to do, I would always turn to my friend Max.

There are many saints and holy people I love and whom I ask for help, but Max is something different.

His companionship during the most difficult experience of my life was one of the many ways God reminded me He was right there with me through it all. In preparing our group for WYD 2016 in Krakow, part of our tour beforehand included visiting Auschwitz. I knew seeing where my friend died was something of great personal and spiritual meaning for me.

Shortly before we left for Poland, I had finished my second prayer session of Unbound. Through it I realized, I needed to go deeper into forgiveness to heal from what happened when I was married. The day we went to Auschwitz was bright and sunny. We were turning a corner and our guide said the brick building ahead was cell block 11, the starvation bunker where St. Maximilian Kolbe was martyred.

I knew I needed to stop and pray, but as I approached the building I was nervous because I had no idea what would come out of my mouth. I placed my hand on the red brick exterior, head bowed and eyes closed.

I just wept and wept.

I started crying harder.

I lost all sense of people around me; it was just me, Max, and Jesus…all together in Auschwitz. Here in a death camp, God showed up in a very powerful way to me.

I talked out loud to St. Max as I had done for the past few years.

I prayed for healing in my own life and for the man I used to be married to. I prayed that my heart would able to trust again and that I would never let bitterness or resentment hold any power over me. I gave my former husband to St. Max and said, “Here Max, you take him. You watch over him now. I’m not carrying this anymore.” I prayed for people who are deeply trapped in a cycle of sexual addiction. I prayed God would use this all some day for His Glory and serving others.

There have been a handful of times in my life where I have felt such a real, tangible presence of God. I imagine it to be similar as to how Moses felt when he looked upon the face of the Lord in all His glory in the tent of meeting. The presence of God was so real I was afraid to open my eyes because I thought I really would have been eye-to-eye with Jesus Himself.

It almost took my breath away.

When I opened my eyes and removed my hand from the wall, something was different.

I was leaving something there at cell block 11 as I re-joined the group and walked away. I left the unforgiveness and bitterness. I was walking away stronger and more free.

Even now it is still hard to explain, but I knew to the depths of my soul something was different. One of my biggest takeaways from the first time I read Unbound by Neal Lozano was something he said about forgiveness.

Lozano writes, “To forgive you need two things. The first is willingness. The second is faith. How much faith? Faith the size of a very tiny mustard seed that can move mountains, Jesus says. Forgiveness may seem like that mountain; it may seem impossible. You may feel like you don’t want to go there again because of the pain. Please don’t stop. Jesus came to set the prisoners free.”

I think forgiveness is one of the most easily misunderstood and overlooked principles in Christianity.

Sure we want forgive people, but then wait...we have to actually forgive them. We have to constantly choose forgiveness even if we don’t “feel” it or even believe it sometimes. When we truly experience the power of the Gospel, which is forgiveness, our lives are changed.

We cannot forgive until we are willing and have faith in Jesus to do so. We never forgive by our own power or strength, but only through Jesus Christ crucified.

Maybe there are people or situations in your life you need to forgive.

Don’t ignore the prompting of the Spirit or sweep it under the rug. Face it head on.  Jesus can handle it. Do you want to love more? Forgive more deeply!

You cannot forgive your former spouse on your own. But you can do it through the grace of God. Because all healing flows from forgiveness.