How to Ask Your Date About Their Faith

Asking someone about their faith life can be really tricky.

The answer is not nearly as simple as the question. And to add another layer, the answer itself could be a sensitive topic.

It was something I was always afraid to ask on dates. What if I don’t like the answer? What if we aren’t on the same page? What if they are way “ahead” of me in their faith life? Or what if I’m the one that’s “ahead?”

The questions spin. The doubt lingers. And you’re left with not wanting to ask simply because it would be simpler not to, hoping that the topic will open up on its own.

And you’re not wrong for thinking that—it totally could. Your individual faith lives could naturally come up in conversation in a dating relationship.

You’re also not wrong for thinking it’s simpler not to ask—it is. It can be a complicated subject, especially if their journey has been far from a straight, level path. (hi: all of us!)

Someone else’s faith journey, though, becomes important when you want to join yours with theirs.

And that’s the second biggest reason it’s worth it to ask.

It’s important, and super helpful, to know where you stand in your own faith life, because it’s a part of you the other person should know about! And it’s equally important to know where the other person stands because it’s part of who they are, too. And all parts matter, all parts count when it comes to entering into a relationship. 

This is why it can be helpful to date someone who is also Catholic. All the core values between you two when it comes to your faith are already the same!

What’s the first biggest reason to ask? Their answer doesn’t always* require immediate action like we can so often fall into thinking. 

*side note: sometimes it may. One example: if you know you want someone deeply committed to God and they tell you they are an atheist. That knowledge may lead you to end the relationship simply because you are looking for a person who is devoted to Christ, of which an atheist is the exact opposite.

I used to be under the impression that if the other person wasn’t exactly where I was in my faith, things wouldn’t work out. If they felt more in touch with the Holy Spirit than I did, if I liked going to daily Mass more than them, if one of us was better about holding a daily devotion than the other… it would just ruin everything.

But this isn’t true. And here is why:

Your faith life is allowed to—and naturally will—fluctuate. The big defining factor is that you both believe in and want to grow closer to Christ. 

You never know how the differences in where you two are in your faith journey could be a gift!

If they are more in touch with the Holy Spirit than you are, that’s okay. Perhaps the Lord has led you to this person so that you would encounter the Holy Spirit more.

If you like going to daily Mass more than they do, that’s okay. Maybe this is an invitation for you to invite them to daily Mass with you, and an invitation for them to be with Him more intimately during the week.

If one of you is better at holding a daily devotion than the other, that’s okay. Do you know what can work so well in developing a consistent, daily devotion? An accountability partner!

The differences in where you are in your spiritual journeys could very well be wonderful gifts.

I was listening to a Catholic podcast the other day called Catholic Stuff You Should Know, and they were talking about how to best approach the subject without coming off as accusatory or judgmental. And their question of choice was one I wish I knew about years ago:

To what degree does the Lord fill your life?

It’s not accusatory. It doesn’t force the other person to answer in definitives, like “yes” or “no." It’s inviting. It’s open-ended. It’s roomy. And it allows you to see this person where they are at in this moment with their relationship with Christ, without diving into possibly sensitive topics. 

So from here on out, when the topic comes up, or when it doesn’t, don’t be afraid to ask this question. And don’t be afraid of the answer.

The Lord works within us by placing certain people in our lives. And you never know, maybe this person being wherever they are in their faith journey is exactly what He wills for you.