Are You Sick of Dead-End Dates? Then, Read This!

“Why are all these first dates so boring?”

“There was no point in going out, it was a waste of time.”

“It’s just another dead end.”

Pretty much everyone has been there.

You feel like no matter how much effort you put into dating, you just keeping hitting dead ends. What is the problem?!

Answer: considering every date a “dead end” is the problem. Let’s go over two things. First, let’s cover some of the mindset issues with dead-end dates, and then let’s review some practical things you can apply to your own dating life.

What’s wrong with calling it a dead-end date?

1. EVERY date except the one you marry is going to, at some point, hit a dead end.

You can only marry one person, right? Therefore, only one relationship is going to “work out.” At some point along the way, every single other one will break off. This is the point of dating. It’s a process of elimination and exploration. You have to go through all the dead-end dates as well as all the good ones in order to pursue marriage. Sorry, there’s no way around this.

2. A dull first date is not a failure.

Just because it doesn’t go as well as you want doesn’t mean it’s a waste of time. Dating is for getting to know yourself just as much as getting to know the other person. You learn a lot about so many things simply by talking to people and getting to know them. Going into a date and calling it a “dud” or “waste of time” means you have the wrong mindset about what dating is for.

3. Leading off that, what are you expecting from a first date?

Instant fireworks, a marriage proposal, a neon sign from God…? Thinking you’ll get marriage discernment from just one date is silly and unrealistic. You might discover you have no spark, that you aren’t as interested as you thought, or that you might want to see this person again. That’s really about it. There’s no way you can determine marriage. Getting ahead of yourself is often one of the subconscious attitudes behind “dead-end dates,” and is probably derailing your enjoyment of dating.

What are some practical applications to fix a string of dud dates?

1. Remember every first date is a step forward in your vocation journey.

If you are dating with the intent to one day marry, every single date is a step along that road. No matter how dull the conversation, no matter how discouraged you feel leaving it, you have put another first date on the books.

Remember how I said dating is somewhat a process of elimination? Deciding not to see someone is just as important as deciding to continue seeing them—either decision you make means you are moving forward. (If you were standing still, you wouldn’t be going on dates at all.) So calm down! You don’t need instant chemistry and a neon sign from God. You just need to meet people. That’s where God will work in your life.

2. Do you know how to be a good dater?

You can’t help it if you and your date don’t click, but you can help whether you enjoy your time out. There are practical things you can do to improve your dating skills and make any bad date turn into a fun one.

Do some research and preparation—a little effort on your part can go a long way into designing good dates! Even if you never see each other again, you can still enjoy the process. Check out this article for some ideas.

3. Give the other person (and yourself!) the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe it was first date jitters. Perhaps they weren’t feeling well. Maybe you had a bad day at work. A lot of factors can play into how people feel and act when they first meet each other.

Sometimes you can definitely tell you just aren’t a good fit together—great, now you know. Other times, you are on the fence about whether something went wrong, if you weren’t on your game, or if they seemed preoccupied. When in doubt, give them a second chance. You never know if something else was keeping this dull date from being a good date.

A positive attitude goes a long way in your dating life.

No matter how many dates don’t lead to a second, look on the bright side! You are putting yourself out there in the dating world, meeting people, and learning more about yourself along the way. And really, that’s what dating is for.

Keep up the effort, look for the silver linings, and one day, one of these dates will open the door to the relationship you’re looking for.