First Date Backup Plans: Turn Awkward Dates Into Fantastic Ones!
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We’ve all been on good first dates and bad first dates. (Hopefully more of the former.)
But did you know there are actually ways you can turn a bad first date into a good one? Or even a great one?! Even if you never see the other person again, there’s no reason you can’t have a fantastic time on that first meetup. Let’s explore six ways to ensure your first date is fantastic!
1. Know the area.
This can easily save the date! For instance, let’s say you meet up at a cafe. Unfortunately, your date’s long list of allergies means he can’t eat anything off the menu. You could spend the rest of the date sitting awkwardly while he starves, yes. But, let’s say you know about a local museum two blocks down, and suggest going there instead. This locale awareness can move a date comfortably and easily elsewhere.
Or let’s say you meet for a movie, but discover it’s R-rated and you’re not interested. If you look up the other movies playing ahead of time, you’ll know what your other options are without being put on the spot. A little forethought goes a long way! It’s not hard to do a little research ahead of time, and it can really pay off if you hit a snag.
2. Phones can actually foster fun.
Create an activity using your phone, like who can take a better photo of __________. Most of us have our smartphones on us all the time, even on dates—although it’s better if they are turned off or on vibrate. If you’re suffering from nerves or the conversation is stalling, suggest doing a friendly photo competition. Or bet on who has the most unread messages, or who is on speed dial on each other’s contact lists.
Just use everyday technology to create an activity and conversation! Just remember, don’t get too personal—you shouldn’t be trading phones on a first date or scrolling through each other’s messages. The techy activity should not have to require you to hold each other’s phones.
3. Bring a game.
I went on a rather dull first date once that was saved by him literally pulling a card game out of his pocket! Yep, it was eccentric, but it made an otherwise unremarkable date into a fun and memorable one. I enjoyed the surprise and thought, wow, this guy really has a great backup plan.
You can too! Whipping out a game can save a dying conversation, offer you something else to do, or ease the tension of a first meeting. It’s also a great idea for anyone who struggles with social anxiety or social skills.
4. Souvenirs can spark a connection.
Bring something you think your date would enjoy—sure, you can do flowers or chocolate, but I'm more of a book or essay type person myself. Seashells, bookmarks, all make cute and unique things to bring to your date. Just make like a magpie and bring a trinket your date can take home!
Or you can find something during your date to make into a souvenir. A flower along a hiking trail, a unique flavor of tea at the coffee shop, or a lucky penny you find in the street will do. You could even bring your old Polaroid camera and take some candids that will instantly develop for you to take home. Remember, it’s not about being fancy or over-the-top; it’s just a physical souvenir of your time together. The love language of gifts is all about this.
5. Include others on your date, if you’re both social or extroverted.
I’m not talking double or group dates with friends since those are usually saved for later in a relationship. On a first date, the safest bet is to include people NEITHER of you knows, so there’s not a social imbalance.
For instance, going to a community trivia competition would involve other people, but not anyone too close to either of you. A county fair, a town festival, or a dance are all great options, too. You can enjoy each other’s company and flourish in the energy of a crowd at the same time!
6. Center your date on the Faith.
You can always suggest turning your date into a time for Adoration or prayer at the local church. For extroverts, you could even think about doing a work of mercy, such as visiting a nursing home and or volunteering at a soup kitchen. I think it’s great to incorporate Catholicism into your dates—just make sure that silent meditation is not the whole of your first dates. You have to talk to each other in order to build a relationship!
One more thing we should talk about is how to set yourself up for a gracious (and sometimes early) exit.
Don’t get me wrong: I don’t believe in bailing on good people, and I also think you can have an awesome time even if you and your date agree to part ways. However, in the world of romance, there is always a chance that you may want to end the date early. There are a few basics to set yourself up for a kind bow out, as well as an elegant goodnight:
- Bring your own car. This is mostly an escape plan if things go downhill, but it also has benefits. Arriving in and leaving in your own separate cars helps maintain date boundaries. You should not leave a first date with your heart completely bare. Hang on to some mystery! With first dates, you both are leading individual lives, which is good. Don’t blur the lines yet, or you risk overcommitting to a stranger. (Bringing your own car is also safer, for you ladies out there.)
- Pre-plan your time slot. Arrive on time and don’t overstay for hours, no matter how much fun you’re having. This also depends on the activity you choose, thus the popularity of coffee dates, hikes, and movie dates: they all have clear ends. (I think it’s totally fine to spend an extra thirty minutes or so hanging out—which is where knowing the area comes in handy! Simply suggest a short walk on the pier after your coffee, and voila! Location and time stamp perfectly set.)
- Be honest. People sometimes discover they are on COMPLETELY different pages on that first date, and that’s okay! If you have lost any and all interest, simply state a nice “Thank you so much for the coffee date; I’m not interested in pursuing this further,” and say a kind farewell. Make this your last resort, though! There is no going back after this bridge is burned, so when in doubt, give your date a second chance. You never know when that spark will flare!
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