If You're Single, Don't Make These Mistakes!

Searching for love can feel like a giant corn maze with no map!

Where do you turn first? Whose advice do you follow? Is there anyone waiting for you at the end? (And are they cute?!) With so many avenues, options, and choices to make, singles get overwhelmed in the dating world.

We all wish for a map sometimes, which of course nobody has. But instead of a map, you can adopt some basic strategies to avoid wrong turns in your dating maze!

If you’re single, don’t make these mistakes…

Hoping for change without doing anything.

If you’re waiting for your Mr. or Mrs. Right to fall through your ceiling, you’ll be waiting forever. Doing nothing and putting in no effort into your dating life means you will have NO dating life at all. This is akin to sitting down in the middle of your corn maze and planning to wait for the corn to grow in a straight path toward the exit. Not gonna happen, right?!

So, if you feel called to marriage, the first thing you should do is start moving. This can look like attending singles events, telling your friends you’d like to get set up, joining online dating, asking out your crush, going on “dud dates”, etc. Just get started and see where the maze takes you!

Centering your ENTIRE life around finding The One.

This is the opposite end of the spectrum. Singles can fall into the trap of designing their entire life around seeking their future spouse. This isn’t walking through the maze—this is trying to hack through the walls of the cornfield to force your way through. Sure, you might get out of the “singles field” and into a marriage, but it probably won’t be how God wanted you to go about it.

So, beware if everything you do revolves around finding The One: jobs you take, your hobbies, your social activities, your church attendance, the list goes on. Doing so places enormous pressure on you, your friends, your dates, and strangers of the opposite gender. This traps you from seeing people as people, and you start dating your vocation instead of dating a person.

Having no standards.

You probably shouldn’t date just anyone who happens to be around. Doing so means you’ll be going in circles in your corn maze, always turning right when you should try turning left more. Singles are often tempted—and in many cases, encouraged—to settle for less than God has planned for you.

This often turns into trying to date someone who has an incompatibility in faiths, lifestyles, goals, boundaries, or expectations in comparison to you. I promise you, no matter how lonely you feel, or how desperate you are to get married, being with the wrong person is only going to make things worse.

Instead, sort out your deep desires, feelings, and loneliness on your own. Then, you can set up a reasonable game plan of who you will date and who you won’t.

Having unrealistic or impossible standards.

Just because you can imagine a perfect person for you doesn’t mean he/she actually exists. Your unreasonable expectations, perfectionism, or even romantic idolization can prevent you from finding a good match. Back to the maze—no matter how good you are at puzzles, you weren’t the one who designed this dating maze you’re in. God is! So stop thinking you know best about what everyone needs, including yourself.

Put down the three-page checklist, wipe clean your imaginary drawing board, and rethink what “realistic” means for you. Really reflect on what truly makes a good relationship, and think about what isn’t actually necessary for a good marriage, either: check out Are Your Dating Standards Principles Or Preferences? 

Slacking on your communication skills.

Communication is an imperative part of a healthy relationship, so you should be working on your skills now. How in the world are you supposed to do that, since you’re still single? I have good news. You’re not in this maze alone! There are a ton of other people wandering around it, too.

Go into this dating maze with a best friend, with your beloved parents, or a whole group of friends. Together, you can discuss strategies, ideas, and experiences about where to turn, where to go, or what someone else they knew did. You might be surprised at some of the things others can see which you can’t, and learn from their experiences too.

Involving your nearest and dearest in your dating life is one of the best navigation tools. It also gives you invaluable practice communicating with others about your needs and wants, as well as receiving constructive criticism when they point out your mistakes and offer some ideas.

Following dumb dating game rules.

There are lots of bad ideas of how to get out of a maze: go back to the beginning all the time, put your ear to the ground and listen for footsteps, look at the clouds to find your way, etc. Same with dating. Don’t text back too quickly. Talking online means you’re in a relationship. Wait two days to call after the first date. One date means you are exclusive. Sleep together on the third date. Don’t ever kiss until you get married.

There are heaps of dumb dating rules out there, on both liberal and traditional sides. As a single person, you should do your best to ignore extreme, immoral, or just plain stupid advice. Each person, date, and relationship is unique. Outside of Catholic morality (read: chastity, charity, faith, etc.) there are very few dating “rules” you have to follow. Instead, there’s a ton of right ways to go about dating with purpose!

Seeking out romantic fulfillment elsewhere.

Don’t swap your lovely corn maze for counterfeits. Pornography is never okay, no matter what your “needs” are. One night stands or friends-with-benefits will never fulfill your desire for a real relationship. Same goes for trashy romance novels or Hallmark rom-coms. This is especially true of having a “best friend” of the opposite gender, where you develop an emotional intimacy far beyond “just friends.”

Singles are at special risk for seeking romantic fulfillment outside of the dating world—because often, they’re just really lonely. Using counterfeit connections to satisfy your desire for love is like lighting matches in your corn maze. It doesn’t help, it won’t work, and you could set fire to the whole thing.

The dating maze is frustrating and confusing.

But it’s also fun, entertaining, and challenging. Just because you’re not sure what’s around the corner, doesn’t mean your journey is pointless. We only get one step at a time—one crossroads, one turn, one dead end. This requires patience and fortitude. Yes, your maze has an end with a prize. And YES, it is worth every step along the way!