I have to admit, of all the 5 love languages, gift giving is the hardest one for me to understand.
Why go through the trouble of sifting through a myriad selection of picture frames, shirt sizes, and funny little bobble heads when I’m not even sure it’s what others would want? What if I don’t pick the right shirt size and have to take it back? And how am I supposed to just know what to get to begin with?
What is gift giving really about? Giving freely to another.
One of the biggest givers I know has this knack for knowing what others would appreciate. Like the Cadbury Creme Eggs my dad’s sweet tooth craves so much. He gets them every Easter. Or the new set of bourbon glasses that I never got to try because I broke them fresh out of the box. He gave me an even cooler set the next Christmas.
But the fruit his example bears is about more than knowing how to give gifts come Christmas time. It teaches us about the very nature of relationships—something which is given freely.
“Love one another with mutual affection; anticipate one another in showing honor.” Romans 12:10
When it comes to my familial and other relationships, such as the one I have with this gift giver, the concept of relationships as a thing freely given I think I grasp fairly well. But much of my dating experience had taken on a different attitude entirely.
A romantic relationship can become the “object of affection.”
This may perhaps be an experience unique to my analytical mindset, but dating relationships for me follow a series of progressions. It is an investment of time and energy into someone else. In the process, I experience personal growth and hopefully challenge others to improve as well. But all too often, it becomes a transactional affair.
After all, the stakes are much higher in an intentional relationship that’s geared toward marriage! And intentional is good. But a more serious attitude toward those relationships can warp into a temporal, even spiritual “good” to be achieved.
The real object of our affection shouldn't even ultimately be our beloved, but Jesus Himself.
I was listening to Fr. Mitch Pacwa on the radio the other night and he offered a warning to placing our hope and expectation into something other than Jesus Christ. Even “spiritual goods” can become our hope and expectation! But these things, he warns, will only lead to disappointment, leaving you bitter and angry.
But there’s great grace in the shattering of our expectations, he says. It leads us to where our only hope and expectation should be—Jesus Christ the Son of God. All else are gifts given to us by God.
This was a great wake up call for me and a reminder to put my dating life into perspective. In the words of St. John Paul II: “The communion of persons means existing in a mutual ‘for,’ in a relationship of mutual gift.”
“…all good giving and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no alteration or shadow caused by change.” James 1:17
In what light are you viewing your relationships? As a gift?
Gifts are especially important, not just for the thing we receive, but because we experience gratitude in receiving. And gratitude makes us more likely to want to give back, which opens the door for living hope as a single person.
When we see our dating relationships in that light (even the temporary ones), it becomes less of a failure and more of a gift.
“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson
