Guard Your Heart Is Bad Advice

We’ve all heard it.

You meet someone new. A couple weeks of messaging lead to a few late-night conversations at the local coffee shop. A talk about favorite foods leads to a spur of the moment dinner date. You start to feel connected, sharing childhood memories and maybe a few weird quirks. Then you start communicating everyday, maybe even “slipping up” and revealing for a moment that you’re really into this person. Then it all comes crashing down.

“Maybe you just need to be better about guarding your heart.” Your well-intentioned mother might say.

Or, “You gotta just play it cool. Don’t show your hand too soon.” Your best friend advises over a beer.

Your support system tells you to “guard your heart.” They don’t want to see you get burned. But is this good advice?

[click_to_tweet tweet="Your support system tells you to 'guard your heart.' They don’t want to see you get burned. But that's not how dating works. " quote="Your support system tells you to 'guard your heart.' They don’t want to see you get burned. But that's not how dating works. "]

God doesn’t promise a life without heartache.

It’s not going to be a fun thing to hear, but “guarding your heart” to prevent yourself from getting hurt won’t lead you any closer to your vocation. What will lead you closer to your goal is offering your rejection and heartache to Jesus Christ. If anyone understands what it’s like to be rejected and abandoned, it’s Him.

It’s enough to make a grown man cry (although good luck getting him to admit it!) It makes beautiful, confident, God-fearing women bow out of the dating game altogether. Because we hate getting hurt. But God doesn’t promise us that we will have a life without suffering, especially if it’s for a prize worth attaining.

“Not only that, but we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy Spirit that has been given to us.”  -Romans 5:3-5

[click_to_tweet tweet="Rejection is enough to make a grown man cry and God-fearing women bow out of the dating game." quote="Rejection is enough to make a grown man cry and God-fearing women bow out of the dating game."]

What God does promise: He will be with you.

What’s more important than a complex system of “do’s, don’ts,” and check-the-boxes in your dating life, is one simple promise more valuable than any advice you’ll find: God is with you. Digging down wherever the rejection stings the worst and failure seems like fate is where a great treasure is found—grace.

Rejection, heartache, and failure are going to happen. But don’t lament just yet! Where pain avoidance will fail you, God will not. It may be nerve-racking to give away parts of your heart, like that struggle with your body image, or that you were never good at sports. Maybe you feel like your family can be an embarrassment, or that your past makes you unworthy. But if you’re paying attention to what you’re both sharing, and offering it up in prayer, God will lead you to the next step.

A good friend once described dating like a hike through the mountains. You want to look to the trail ahead so you know where you’re going, but not too far so that it terrifies you. You also want to look down at your feet to make sure you’re on solid footing, but not too much so you don’t fall off the cliff. Just keep hiking. And in this hike, God gives you a promise.

“Do not fear: I am with you; do not be anxious: I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.”  -Isaiah 41:10

[click_to_tweet tweet="Dating is like a hike through the mountains. Look to the trail ahead so you know where you’re going and look down at your feet to make sure you’re on solid footing." quote="Dating is like a hike through the mountains. Look to the trail ahead so you know where you’re going and look down at your feet to make sure you’re on solid footing."]

Tips for the hike ahead.

You can’t guarantee you won’t end up with a few bumps and bruises on the journey to your vocation. But you can keep your heart close to the Lord and your ear to the ground. Here are a few tips to help you on your way.

1. Listen more than you speak. This goes for both your dating interest and your own heart. It’s hard not to get excited. But instead of dumping it all out and leaving your date wondering what to do with the pieces, stay present and focused when they speak. They will tell you what they want. And so will your heart, too. How does it respond? Are there things your dating interest is sharing that make you uneasy? Are there things you are sharing that make you uneasy?

2. Don’t assume, ask. It’s tough not to come to conclusions about what is shared. But remember, impressions are only that—impressions. Instead of jumping to the next conclusion, ask them to clarify what they mean. And don’t forget, that goes for your heart too.

3. Filter everything through your faith. Instead of worrying about not getting hurt, take everything you learn about the other and yourself to God. Pray. Read Scripture. Ask for wisdom. Or ask for a sign. However you experience your faith, filter it through the “Watchman” over your heart. Don’t be afraid to ask, “Ok, what next?”

There aren’t any “silver bullets” of advice. And there won’t be any gain without pain, as they say. But God never promised an easy answer for something that’s worth it to your soul and His glory. He does, however, promise to watch over you.

[click_to_tweet tweet="There aren’t any 'silver bullets' of dating advice. But God never promised an easy answer for something that’s worth it to your soul and His glory. " quote="There aren’t any “silver bullets” of dating advice. But God never promised an easy answer for something that’s worth it to your soul and His glory. "]