How to Avoid a Bad First Date

“Any type of initial meeting between two individuals, whether or not previously acquainted, where an effort is made to ask, plan, and organize some sort of social activity.” Wikipedia 

Wikipedia, let me help you out with that definition a little...First date = awkward!!!

I am certain that everyone reading this has been out on a first date that you just simply want to forget. The date was so awkward that the mere mention of the word "first date" unleashes a torrent of uncomfortable memories. I have had several of those dates and enough corresponding memories to last a lifetime.

These awkward dates have taught me what to do and, even more importantly, what not to do on a first date.

1. Be Positive

The dating scene is tough, and let's be honest, it can really get you down. Going out on first date after first date has the potential of turning even Pollyanna into a pessimist. During my long stint in the dating world, I often found myself in a death spiral of sourness and pessimism questioning myself, and the Lord, “When will these first dates end?!”

One time I took a girl out, and for once the roles were reversed: she was the pessimistic one, and I was Mr. Happy. I got to experience firsthand how awkward the sourpuss attitude can be. I spent the dinner date listening to her complain about everything from work, to family, to her car problems! By the end of that date, I was emotionally drained and not so happy myself. The next day I was in full recovery mode when she called me to set up a second date. She felt that things went great and was eager to go out with me again. I had to break the bad news to her that I wasn’t really “feeling it” because she had made me depressed. This taught me that a positive first impression is super important for a successful first date.

If you realize that you are in a blue funk before that first date, quickly reflect on your day to discover three positive things that you are thankful for. Reliving the positive can change your attitude and help you to be positive once again.

2. Don’t talk about politics or religion

The standard wisdom tells you to stay away from religion and politics in polite conversation. I would generally agree with this approach. Who wants to have a blow out with your wacky sister-in-law over the Thanksgiving table about the crazy spending bill that Congress just passed? Or who wants to go toe-to-toe with the atheist coworker at the coffee pot about evolution? Yes, it is generally good to stay away from these types of topics, and it is especially good to stay away from these topics on a first date if you want to keep it from turning awkward.

I can hear the objections right now: “But when you go out on dates, you're supposed to discern whether this person could be your spouse and that includes discussing political and religious topics!" Yes, but not on a first date.

Once, I took a girl out for dinner. We got on a politically and religiously charged topic, and by the end of our short date, I am certain that she thought I was a cafeteria Catholic racist that disregards basic human dignity, none of which is true. The conversation turned so awkward because of politics that I actually went home and deactivated my CatholicMatch profile for a few months in an attempt to recover from the awkwardness.

Another time, I got set up by an ex-girlfriend. If being set up by an ex-girlfriend wasn’t awkward enough, it got even more awkward when the date started talking politics with a loud enough voice that the people sitting around us in Panera started looking over their shoulder.

First date conversation should revolve around the basic stuff like your family, interests and hobbies, and your job. Stay clear of emotionally charged topics like religion and politics.

3. Don’t make the date too long

At the beginning of my dating life, when I was still a dating newbie, I met a girl on CatholicMatch who was not from my area. She lived a few hours away by car. We got to know each other pretty well online and would spend several hours each night talking on Skype. Things were going very well, and I was ready to take the plunge, hop in my car, and seal the deal of the long distance relationship by going out to “officially” meet her.

The plan was to pick her up and then meet some friends at a sort of midway point for a weekend camping trip. (At this point in my life I still had enough single friends that we could have a guy tent and a girl tent.) Mistake, mistake, mistake!!!!

The car ride to the campsite at the beginning of our weekend proved to me that we did not have a spark. We hit it off great online, but when we got together in person, we just didn’t match. The poor girl was stuck with me, and I with her, for the entire weekend with no way to get out of this awkward and prolonged date.

When planning a first date, keep it short and simple. A nice dinner or a trip to the coffee shop is always a good starter date. There isn’t a whole lot of planning involved, and if you don’t hit it off, you can cut things short and walk away.

I am convinced that first dates are, by definition, awkward. But if you stay positive, don’t talk about hot button topics like politics or religion, and keep it short, you'll probably survive your first date and even make it to a second date.