How To Avoid These Real Life First Date Disasters....

So, I walk into a coffee shop to meet this guy for the first time. We've talked over Skype before, briefly, so I kinda know what he looks like. I see him, I say hi and we get our names out of the way and start some awkward small talk while in line waiting to order.

He whips out his credit card to pay for my chai tea latte. Ok, good job guy, I think to myself. I'm impressed. We sit down. But then, things turn a corner.

He mentions that he was just talking to a friend about anarchy. And then the floodgates open. For the next hour, he simultaneously, instructs, preaches, and lectures me on his views on anarchy, the government, politics, etcetera. It was not a discussion. I smiled and nodded uncomfortably through the discourse, and left afterwards feeling quite overwhelmed. Not really how you want to end a first date.

Now, I could have spoken up and tried much harder to change the subject because I did become great friends with the guy eventually, and we laugh about that ill-fated date now. But, the experience left me with this first date tip for men and women alike: If you have an intense political discussion with a friend right before a first date, let off some steam before the date instead of letting off steam by soapboxing to your date. Yeah, um not good. Not good.

Other Tips

So, here are a few more tips on What Not To Do on a first date, gathered from my own experience, and those of my close friends.

1. Don't share your extensive knowledge about serial killers over dinner. That's ok later, when someone gets to know you better. But not on the first date. It's a little creepy and scares guys away.

2. Guys, don't ask pointed "Will you be a good wife?" questions, especially in quick succession. For example, don't ask, How are your cooking skills? Quickly followed by, Do you like a tidy, organized home? And then: What are your thoughts on raising children? This is just a first date! That's like a girl bringing up her favorite cut of diamond, or talking about her favorite names for kids right away. Just relax.

3. If you decide to go to Mass on a first date together (gutsy, but commendable!), try not to let your nerves show physically. What I mean is, if you squirm and struggle sitting still the whole time, because you are so nervous about the date, it will be distracting and uncomfortable for your date. Just wait until you are calmer and more acquainted to go to Mass with someone for the first time!

4. Talk! Or just be aware of how much you are talking. If it's too much, slow down. But if you are generally quieter, make the effort. You don't want your date coming away from dinner thinking that a first date with Washington's face on Mount Rushmore would have been more interesting than the first date with you.

5. Don't go skiing. Well, if both of you have skied before, then it is probably fine. But one friend I have had never skied before, and almost took out a small hot chocolate stand at the bottom of a mountain on a first date. She survived to tell the tale, but an emergency room trip with someone you just met is not the usual stuff of fairy tale romances.

Okay, those are a few tips for the road. So, do you have any "what not to on a first date tips" for me? Any horror stories? Comment and tell me!

Oh, and our video course on dating has a whole lesson on how to set up the first date, and how to follow up on the first date, among other goodies. Check it out if you haven't yet!