Here's Why You Should Probably Go on a Second Date
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Many first dates end with a looming question: Will there be a second date?
Sometimes, you know right away that you want one, after you laughed a lot, or when the attraction was obviously mutual, or you talked so easily for so long that the restaurant closed and you didn't even notice. Other times, your next step isn't so clear.
But maybe—even if sparks didn't fly, or your date was shy, or the night didn't go exactly how you hoped it would—a second date is still a good idea.
Here's why.
Because few people are their best or truest selves on date one.
A lot of factors contribute to that: wounds, caution, nerves. But how clear are our perspectives while we're nervous? Not only do your nerves impact your demeanor and your behavior, but they also impact your perception. Your job or your hobby, for example, probably looks a lot different to you today than it did on your first day. Your experience of a person can evolve just as much.
I'm not saying to date a woman you don't like for a year, hoping the whole time that she'll grow on you. I am saying second dates are worth a shot because it'll be easier for you both to be present—and to be yourselves.
We should also go on the second date because we probably don't have enough information yet.
If the date doesn't reveal any dealbreakers—and assuming your dealbreakers are reasonable—you don't necessarily know already this person isn't for you. People who say no to a second date because they didn't feel a spark on date one may not be discerning—they may be writing people off.
After most first dates, you haven't learned a lot of what matters yet. That doesn't mean you should ignore your gut. But it does mean that you should consider how often your gut has been right in this realm.
If you were infatuated on first dates with the people you're not dating anymore, then you know instant infatuation isn't what makes relationships last (and it might mean you need to pump the brakes). It also means a second date after an underwhelming first date could exceed your expectations.
We should go on the second date because first impressions aren't always right.
Yes, I do agree with Maya Angelou: "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time." But did your date really show you who he is that fast? We are often quick to discard somebody after one date if he or she doesn't wow us—and we're quick to forget how many times our first impressions have been inaccurate.
How many of your previous relationships ended because it turned out you were wrong about a person? If it's true that some people turn out way worse than we first expected, it is also true that others could turn out way better.
And we should go on the second date because God is a better creator than we are.
A lot of us say we know "exactly" who we're looking for. We create a mold, in other words, and refuse to consider anybody who doesn't fit in it. And this isn't about your date's values. Your values should align.
This is about your date's other, less fundamental traits—like personality type or physique or preferences. Maybe your date doesn't "check off every box." But a checklist doesn't prove a relationship will or won't work. Only experience proves that. And after one date, we usually haven't had enough of it.
Saying yes to a second date doesn't mean you'll wind up in a relationship you don't want. But it does show that you know this: God knows you better than you know yourself. And you know He can surprise you.
That might be exactly what He'll do on date two.
Will you let Him?
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