Is a Rebound Always a Mistake?

The rebound. Everybody warns you about it. "Don't jump in too soon." But could there actually be a benefit to a rebound relationship?

Your friends will tell you: Wait until your feelings from the break up are resolved. You could be setting yourselves up for more heartbreak."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWwOJlOI1nU

That's what everyone says until... their own relationship comes to an end. Then they want to recapture that feeling of being loved and wanted.

Pathetic? No. It's the most natural thing in the world.

But is it healthy?

It depends.

(You thought I was going to say no, didn't you?)

Getting Over Your Ex

Research shows that there are positive benefits to forming a new relationship after a break up. (Note: For the purposes of this article, I'm talking only about a relationship in which the parties were not married.)

To be painfully obvious, it makes you forget about the old relationship. It turns your mind in a positive direction—forward to the promise and good resolutions of the future, not backwards to your mistakes, regrets, and a flop that is in the past and beyond your control.

It also makes you realize you are still attractive. When your heart is broken by someone you loved, you might think you are unlovable.

You may think: If this wonderful person no longer loves me, am I past my prime? Am I a loser? Ugly? Stupid? Boring? Or what?

A new relationship helps you realize you are none of the above. The world has lots of people in it. One person does not speak for them all.

Here's the real clincher. A new relationship means—this might be "The One."

But of course, a rebound could also be just a rebound. Nobody wants to be that person who trades one doomed relationship for another just like it. And again. And so on. That person's friends are all wondering, "Should we do an intervention?"

Signs of Rebounding Trouble 

So how can you tell if dating someone new is a hopeful step towards a brighter future or if it's misery loves company quicksand?

Consider: After a break up, people are wounded. Every time. So you can't look at that all by itself. Most people are also confused about their feelings. Asking yourself these questions will help you sort those feelings out.

Are you using a new relationship just to have someone by your side? This, by itself, is settling. Are you hoping your old partner will see you with your new partner and have feelings of jealousy or regret and possibly want you back? This is manipulation. Neither are fair to the person you are with.

Your focus is not forward on your new love, it's still backward on your old one. You are not only not starting your new relationship off on the right foot, you're limping around dragging a dead limb.

Signs You Are Ready to Date

On the other hand, did your sad feelings about your old relationship start to go away when you started discovering the new person? Are you excited about the new person—for the new person's sake? Do you think about the old person less and less? Do you genuinely wish your ex well? Are you now glad that the old relationship ended?

If so, it means you are emotionally free to give yourself to someone new. You can enter a new relationship with a spring in your step as it takes you forward with new hopes, firm resolutions, and hopefully, some hard won wisdom.

So is rebounding all bad? Look at your focus and make sure it always moves ahead.