5 Steps to Building Trust in Your Relationship

Let's face it, we all want a healthy relationship.

When you think of what some of the most important foundations on which to build a healthy relationship are, what would you say?

Honesty? A deep connection? Maybe, always having good communication?

I think most of us would agree that trust would at least be in the top three. We all want to be the partner or spouse who is reliable, accountable, and safe. Each of us had experiences in life where someone perhaps broke our trust.

I used to think of trust in relationships when it came to rebuilding after an incident where trust was challenged or broken, like lying or betrayal. However, trust is very similar to that little mustard seed of faith Jesus speaks about in the Gospels. Little seeds of trust are small yet very strong and powerful; they can give strong roots to a growing relationship.

What does it look like to build trust in the everyday experience of life with your significant other? What are practical ways we build and maintain trust in all our relationships, not just dating?

Well, here are a few practical ideas to get you thinking.

1. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

My therapist has reminded me in the journey of dating to pay attention for when a man’s words and actions both match each other: Do what you say and mean what you do. Your word is important, so it is equally important to match your actions with your words. Follow through on what you say and keep your word.

Saying what you mean and meaning what you say allows your friend, co-worker, spouse to know they can trust your words.

2. Communicate your intentions clearly.

I do not know about you, but sometimes I think I am communicating clearly when in all actuality, I am not. Clear and effective communication is critical in maintaining healthy relationships with all the different types of people in our lives. This is all the more important in dating relationships. You are not a mind reader and neither is your partner, so stating your intentions clearly and often is an ongoing thing.

Communicating your intentions clearly and calmly keeps the other person informed of what you are thinking so your relationship does not become this weird guessing game.

3. Own your mistakes.

The last time I checked, none of us is Jesus or Mary. None of us are perfect. Accountability and taking responsibility for ourselves is an important part of healthy friendships and relationships. When you have made a mistake or done something wrong, you need to own it and take responsibility for yourself. The people we are in a healthy relationship with want to see us doing this in ongoing ways. The reality is all of us will make mistakes from time to time. However, when this happens, what do we do with it? How do we respond?

Do we become defensive or act like a victim? Or on the other hand, do we own our mistakes, apologize, and try to make a sincere repair to the person we hurt?

Building trust within a relationship is all about being accountable to yourself, asking how you can make it better, and making a sincere commitment to not make that mistake again.

4. Always, always, tell the truth!

Sometimes I have heard people say things like, “Well white lies are not that big of a deal. Sometimes you need to lie to get out of a sticky situation.” I do not know your thoughts on the situation, but for me, lying is always lying. Good people lie to avoid conflict, to get out of situations, and to please the person in front of them or avoid rocking the boat.

When a person is dishonest about small things (see above comment on white lies), it makes it hard for other people to trust them about bigger issues. A better alternative to telling a white lie is giving yourself some time to think about the issues before responding or making your decision.

Being a man or woman who is committed to always telling the truth is the first step in establishing everyday trust in relationships.

5. Use honesty in all relationships.

There is a saying my paternal grandfather would occasionally tell to my siblings and I growing up, “Honesty is the best policy.” Truth-telling is a practice that transfers over and touches all the different types of relationships in our lives: friends, parents, children, spouse, significant others, co-workers, etc. Trust and honesty are healthy tools we want to implement and practice in all aspects of life.

No one likes to be lied to, and while it might not always be easy to tell the truth, it is an important way to live with integrity. Jesus encouraged his disciples for their yes to mean yes and their no to mean no. We can consider that as we strive to be men and women who are honest and trustworthy.

What are other ways you can practice building trust and honesty in your everyday relationships?

What makes it difficult sometimes to always be honest?