Rebuilding Trust Through Prayer After a Bad Breakup

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Building trust with another person after a bad breakup is no joke.

You think you’re doing well after it’s all said and done, and then you find out you actually are still hurt. You give yourself some time to heal emotionally, and perhaps that does happen, but it still catches up to you some days. You find your new normal. You live your life as full you know how.

And then you meet someone else! And they are wonderful. They are different! This relationship is different. And then they say one random thing that sets off all the walls you once had built, and they shoot up again, and you’re stuck. How are you supposed to rebuild trust with another person? How are you supposed to know that you’re not falling into the same steps you definitely don’t want to repeat?

I have three suggestions. No one replaces the others, but they all overlap in a way that allows for you to pick which speaks to you the most.

1. Reorient your thinking about how trust is built up in the first place.

I heard insightful commentary on The Catholic Feminist podcast about a quote by Lysa TerKeurst that changed the way I understand trust with other people. I think it can be easy to ask of ourselves so much without truly knowing how to get there. And this “equation” that was presented made so much sense to me:

Trust = Good Behavior + Time

Good behavior and time go hand in hand for us to build trust up again. And that could look like letting good behavior simply build up until you feel you can trust the other person. Or it could look like taking those random comments that can set us off without the other person knowing. Then, instead of reacting to them with immediate force, recognizing why they bother us, personally calling out where we need more healing, and giving ourselves permission to take that time. It may be that that person said something off-key, or it could be that you just need more time.

We are all broken on multiple levels, especially when it comes to breakups, and healing is going to take time. Obvious, yes, but a needed reminder! It is so much more complex than just wishing for it, or saying it out loud and expecting it to happen. Time is too important to skip over. And taking consideration of where you are for both parts of the equation is helpful to keep a balance for yourself.

2. Create your own novena, by dedicating 9 consecutive days of praying the Litany of Trust written by the Sisters of Life.

Caveat: I know some people (and have done this myself) who have finished the last day of their novena and started again the very next day. Maybe that’s what you do, too. Or maybe you stick to the nine days!

Either way, this litany is powerful and speaks to fears we don’t have to live with any longer.

3. Pray through this chart in the presence of Jesus.

IN ORDER TO…I MUST…

Love fully|be vulnerable

Trust entirely|be accepting

Heal wholly|find understanding

Grow freely|be willing to change

Forgive|acknowledge + release pain

Thrive|be open to starting over

Move on|learn to let go + find peace

from Alex Elle, @the.living.person

I also like to add my own prayer at the end of each line: Jesus, give me the grace to do this.

Each of these lines is an entire conversation with Jesus. Maybe you’ve already been over with Him what it was like to be vulnerable and have that not work out, or how your trust was broken when you feel like you wrongly accepted something you shouldn’t have. Or maybe these are conversations you now get to have with Him! Have them with Him. He is waiting to listen to every word.

At the end of the day, the last line in that chart is what we are all going for—to move on—but there is a right way to do that, and it’s alongside Jesus and the healing only He can offer your heart.

Whether that is through shifting your approach to your own healing, getting creative with your prayer life, or changing your daily habits, you have the tools and the grace from God you need to heal. The path is yours to take, how do you want to take it?

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