Are you striking out in the online dating field?
The first step to online dating can be the most daunting: the profile. You might have something in your profile that is turning good women away and not even know it. That’s why I wrote this post, to help you figure out what profile mistakes could be preventing your potential matches from meeting you. Very rarely do the women who dislike your profile tell you why, so make sure you aren’t making these five mistakes:
Pipe in the Profile Picture
This is my personal favorite cliché of Catholic male profile photos. It’s perfectly in line with the G.K. Chesterton quote about how Catholicism unites “the pint, the pipe, and the cross.” I love getting together with my guys over a beer and a cigar.
That being said. Your profile is not about the guys. It’s about the ladies. While you may only smoke your pipe every once in a while, or have a few beers at a party, if you have those things in your profile picture, it can seem like you do those things all the time. Your personality needs to shine in your profile photo, so don’t reduce yourself to a pipe. (Or a sword for that matter.)
Manifesto in the Bio
This might sound ironic coming from the guy posting his opinions on CatholicMatch…but don’t post your opinions on CatholicMatch. Your bio isn’t the place to talk about your opinions on dating, on the state of the Church, on the state of the country, etc. It’s a place for someone to get to know YOU! And you are more than your opinions.
It can be intimidating to have a conversation with someone if the only thing you know about them are their political or religious opinions. It’s realistic to think that a possible match might have a different opinion than you and that could be a good thing. She might not message back if that disagreement is there from the beginning.
List of Unrealistic Standards
Your “ideal match” section is a valuable tool to talk about the kind of person you’re looking for, but be careful “ideal” doesn’t become “unreal.” On a dating site for Catholics, it can be tempting to describe your ideal match as an incredibly holy woman. Remember, you’re supposed to fall in love with a human being, not an angel.
Ironically, putting high standards of holiness in this section might have the opposite effect than intended. Holy women are often humble and don’t see themselves as “the reincarnation of St. Therese of Lisieux.” If your “ideal match” section describes a living saint, that will turn some women away. Or it will attract women who have an unrealistic image of themselves. Both are bad.
The same rule applies to unrealistic expectations about personality, appearance, and interests. Make sure your ideals are measured.
Talking About Marriage, Sex, or Children
You know that throttle on your lawnmower that has a picture of a turtle and a rabbit? Your profile needs to be closer to the turtle than the rabbit. It’s fine if you know mentally that you’re looking for your future spouse. But if you lead with that, it will scare women away. You don’t want your date to feel like she’s going to a job interview for the position of “wife.”
Similarly, including things about sex and wanting to have children can do the same thing. We make commitments one at a time. I didn’t know I wanted to have kids with my wife when I met her, so don’t expect your matches to know that either.
Talk of Being Lonely
Online dating can be tough, but don’t give in to the temptation to air your frustration on your profile. Women want to date men who are confident in themselves and are comfortable being alone. When you talk about your loneliness on your profile, you give off the impression that you won’t be happy until you are in a relationship. That’s a lot of pressure. If that impression is the reality, it might be prudent to take a step back from dating for a bit.
Don't let yourself get discouraged!
It can be difficult to find the best way to present yourself in online dating, but it is the most important step. You won’t get the chance to let your personality shine in messages or on dates if your profile turns away potential matches. It’s important to think about your profile from the perspective of the woman reading it.
Take time to revisit your profile today and ask yourself what impression you give off. And stay tuned for my next article on even more profile mistakes to avoid!
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