In the article called “5 Online Dating Profile Mistakes Women Make,” we talked about literally what the title says. Today, as you probably guessed, we’re covering five more!
So in all, really, that makes ten common mistakes. These next five traps might not seem as easy to fall into as the first five, I’ll admit. But despite this seeming rarity, I’ll wager these are much more common than you think. (Check your own profile to see!)
1. Not sharing relevant romantic history.
I’m not saying you should talk about all your ex-boyfriends here—we all know that’s unnecessary and bitter. What I’m talking about is major romantic things, fair for others to know about you. Maybe you were married previously and now have an annulment. Perhaps you have children from a previous relationship. Or, you’re a widow. These things are important to be honest about on your profile because all of these things are major life events that shape us as people.
Because of this nature, it’s important to include the bare facts about romantic pasts like this. You don’t need to go into detail about exact timing, who said what, why you divorced, etc. It’s enough to simply state that it happened, and then later, on real dates, you can share more.
Simple statements about your history can help men looking at your profile understand where you are in life, and it also has the bonus of showing you are an honest person who isn’t trying to hide anything.
2. Dissertations on theological, political, or theoretical opinions.
This is a dating site, not a Catholic debate forum. Usually, CatholicMatch’s seven questions are enough to give men an idea of where you stand regarding the faith, and downstream from that, politics or science or what have you. The exact practices of NFP, how St Thomas Aquinas really viewed that papal decree, deep dives into political conspiracies, or any other debate-like opinions can be safely left out of your profile. It’s just too much, too soon.
Save that kind of stuff for when you’re considering getting into a relationship with a person you’ve already met. Putting all of this on a profile runs several risks: you often appear “holier than thou,” super argumentative, or putting your smarts/knowledge ahead of being open and kind to people. This will definitely make men reconsider whether they want to message you at all, because they don’t want to be the unfortunate subject of your vinegar and vigor!
3. Talking about your future family.
Spoiler: you don’t have one yet. (If you do already have a family, see point 1.) Obviously, you want to get married and start a family one day—that’s why you’re on CatholicMatch, and it’s fine to state it that simply. But do you really want to expound on how many kids you want, where they should go to school, or where you plan to buy your house?
Life can throw curveballs at anyone. I know plenty of people who found out after marriage that they had fertility problems, or lost a breadwinning job, or had to move far away for some reason. Does that mean they chose the wrong person to marry, or that they didn’t talk about this stuff early on enough? Of course not! We’re supposed to date people, not ideas.
Leave all the future plans to actual conversation in a real relationship, not on your profile. Putting it online is putting the cart way before the horse. You’re simply not anywhere close to those subjects yet, so it’s not worth detailing.
4. Being too serious.
There’s no need to state just how intentional, marriage-focused, and “discerning” you are on your dating profile, especially if you’re comparing yourself to other women. (Don’t put down other women on your profile either, by the way.)
Trying to express how seriously you take the Sacrament of Marriage will often come across as if you’re asking for men to be ready to commit to you on the first message. You probably don’t mean it that way, but that’s how it comes across! Who’s ready to commit to any stranger on the first message?! Nobody.
Meeting people and the early stages of dating are supposed to be lighthearted, because nobody knows each other yet. Men love to see a woman who can lighten up and not take herself too seriously on her profile. It means she enjoys life and is fun to be around! I’m not saying you have to crack a bunch of jokes in your profile.
I am saying, leave out phrases like “really serious about getting married,” “looking for a husband,” or “intentional about finding a spouse.” Generally speaking, most people will know you’re looking to get married. You’re on CatholicMatch, after all. Instead, let your personality and passion for life shine in your content and photos.
5. Trying too hard to fit what you think men are looking for.
Maybe you feel like you’re not what most guys online are looking for. Perhaps you’re trying to sound more educated, or demure, or docile than you really are. Or you take stiff photos in chapel veils and long dresses to prove you know how to be modest, even though you don’t wear this stuff regularly.
Whatever it is you’re trying to project, I think you can safely put it to rest. You are not trying to attract the entirety of the opposite sex, remember. Yes, you want some traffic on your profile to up the odds of meeting the right types of people. But don’t try to force an image that doesn’t fit you onto a profile. People can sense you are being inauthentic, and they will wonder why.
The important thing is to write your profile in a way you enjoy—often, this means writing it just like you talk in conversations. Take your photos to show the real you, not a contrived version. Interact with people online the same as you interact with people in the real world. You are YOU for a reason, so don’t try to become someone else. God can and will work with you as you are—that’s why He made you!
