Your Guide to Bouncing Back After Rejection

Well, you did it.

You asked the girl out, and she said yes to the first date. In a state of jubilation, you got a hair-cut, purchased some Dapper Dan (not Fop), did some internet research on shirt-pants pairing, and otherwise made yourself eminently presentable. The day came, and you met her for coffee. The date went well; you had a good time with her, and she seemed to be having a good time with you.

When it was over, you decided you were interested in continuing to get to know her, so you asked her out on a second date. Unfortunately, (and surprisingly—the date had gone so well!) she made use of the feminine veto at this point. 

So, where do you go from here?

Well, first of all, you shouldn’t wallow in self-pity. And, as tempting as the prospect may be, you shouldn’t seek solace in the cheesy depths of an entire Little Caesar’s deep-dish pizza, or in an eight-hour binge of an online show. Neither of these will actually make you feel better in the long run.

Furthermore, seeking comfort from unhealthy things when you’re discouraged will not help you be the man you need to be for your future family. This isn’t to say you can’t treat yourself a little bit; in fact, it can be a good idea to do so, if you view it as you giving yourself an encouraging pat on the back: “Hey, I put myself out there, I gave it my best shot, and she isn’t the one. I’ll reward myself with a cheeseburger or a slice of deep-dish pizza and move on.”

Aside from allowing yourself a small treat, though, what’s the best way to handle rejection? It seems to me that there are three aspects to a correct response to the situation: (1) reject the lies, (2) accept the truths, and (3) prepare to move forward. 

Reject the lies.

Your mind (and possibly the devil) may come up with various, discouraging lies after a girl turns you down. You might experience thoughts such as, “I’m completely uninteresting,” or, “I’m completely unattractive,” or, “girls just don’t like me that way,” or, “I’ll never find love.”

Here is the truth, though: regardless of who you are, you have thoughts and interests that some girls will also find interesting. It’s just a matter of finding those girls. Also, regardless of who you are, there are girls out there who will find you attractive.

Once again, it’s just a matter of finding them. As far as the, “girls just don’t like me that way” line: you probably haven’t interviewed every girl you’ve ever encountered (let alone the entire world) regarding their interest in you; just because you have been turned down by four or five (or even fifteen) girls doesn’t mean there aren’t any girls who would be romantically interested in you.

As far as, “I’ll never find love” goes: marriage is either your vocation, or it’s not. If it is, and if you cooperate with grace, you will get married. If your vocation is something other than marriage, though, that won’t be because you’re unlovable to the opposite sex; it will be because that’s part of God’s eternal plan for you. And if you cooperate with grace, you’ll find peace with that.

Accept the truths.

The number one truth to accept after being turned down is that God has something else planned for you. That also means accepting that this girl wasn’t interested in you romantically, and that she has no obligation to be.

You also need to accept the fact that, as a man, being turned down by multiple women is simply part of the process of finding a wife, and that it doesn’t say anything about your value as a person. It’d be nice if you didn’t have to experience rejections, but any worthwhile pursuit is going to involve enduring some discomfort. Luckily, enduring some discomfort in pursuit of the good is not synonymous with misery.

Prepare to move forward.

If you had any obvious lapses in etiquette or social grace on your date with the girl who said, “no” to round two, resolve to not make them again. Tell yourself, “Hey, I know what it feels like to be turned down, and it’s not the end of the world,” and resolve to ask out the next girl you’re interested in.

In the meantime, keep doing what you can to better yourself physically and spiritually. You’ve got a vocation to discern—so continue discerning, and keep a positive, hopeful outlook on it! It’s all in God’s hands. Cooperate with grace, and things will turn out the best way possible: the way God wills.