On Balancing a Career and a Dating Life

You are constantly told to put your season of singleness to good use, right? The most common advice is to focus on work and your fulfilling career. But can you balance a career and still make time for dating?

We live in a world where technology doesn’t allow us to clock out, our college educations can last years, and work stability just isn’t that stable anymore. What if your career wouldn’t work for a marriage? Should you just ditch the idea of a fulfilling work life altogether?

Fear not. I am here to instantly solve all your work problems! (I wish, right?) Actually, I’m just here to offer some starting points for balancing work life without giving up on relationships.  Let’s start with the fundamental question:

"Is a career even necessary if I just want to get married?"

Answer: Yes, a career is actually very important, but not for the reasons you think!

Contrary to societal opinion, a career is less of a personal identity than it is a public display of your personal skills and traits. Like it or not, your work life projects an image of you to the outside world, including to your dates. 

You know how people often look for certain pictures or preferences in your online profile, trying to figure out whether you'll be a good match? In real life, your career is considered a big part of your "profile." Dates will look at it and try to determine what it says about you, and what it could mean for a relationship. After all, a job is how we answer the first question, “What do you do?”

Both men and women are more attracted to someone who knows what they want.

Women in particular are attracted to men who know what they want, show drive and dedication, and have financial responsibility. My fiancé, my brother, and my guy friends attest to men being attracted to women who are responsible, motivated, and money-savvy, too. In both genders, you can clearly see all those great traits (or lack thereof) in someone’s work life.

Why does this matter? These skills carry over into marriage. People need to know what they want in order to pick out a good spouse in the first place—from there on out, they need to be dedicated to each other, motivated to work on their marriage, and practiced in financial know-how to provide for their new family. For the rest of their lives, as long as they both shall live. See what I'm saying about how important these skills can be? 

So when you’re asking yourself if you should even have a career, reframe the question. Ask what your job says about you. Would Mr. or Mrs. Right be attracted to how you work?

In other words, would they see you handling your work life with responsibility and motivation, or see you behaving like work is a chore and a bore? Looking at how you treat work, your date could assume that eventually, you'll handle your marriage the same way. Examining your current work life can actually be a predictor of your future marriage, based on those life skills we talked about. 

If things are not where you want them to be, ask yourself what you want your job to say about you. How do you want to improve your public display of life skills? This can help you see where you are and where you want to be.

What should my career actually be if I want to get married?

1. Be smart about what type of career fits your desired personal life.

If you want to be the sole provider so your wife can raise the kids, maybe you should get a usable college degree and map out a career plan. If you want to be home every night with your spouse, don’t plan to join the military. If you want to be a stay-at-home mom, consider saving money to bolster your future husband’s breadwinning role. Basically, put your money where your mouth is: act and work according to your values and goals.

2. Think about how to use your career to develop some of those marriage skills we reviewed earlier: knowing what you want, dedication, motivation, and financial responsibility. 

Read your pay statements, learn about W-4 and I-9 forms, examine your taxes, and research different types of insurance. This gives you a head start for what you deal with in marriage.

Even if you plan to be the stay-at-home parent, you should gain some experience in the working world. Why? You’ll have an idea about the ins and outs of the world you expect your breadwinning spouse to deal with every day.  Also, know what job isn’t a good fit for your desired life. Often, knowing what doesn’t work for you is just as important as knowing what does.

3. Don’t expect a job or career to be a 100% perfect fit.

Every job will have bad days and some drudgery. If you truly hate your dead-end job, don’t sit there and wait for Mr. or Mrs. Right to come along and make you happy. Change your life now and start working toward what you want.

"So, how do I date with a serious career going on?"

Jobs these days are crazy. Schedules, on-call weekends, overtime, and take-home paperwork can seriously limit your freedom. I was one of those people who did nothing but work, work, and work, even at home on the weekends. We’ve already established that work is important for many reasons, but if you want to pursue relationships, don’t let a job take over your whole life.

Learn to keep sacred the Sabbath of your free time, or as I like to say, date determinedly according to your individual life. You’re a nurse on the night shift? Plan dates around your sleep schedule—you might have the best luck with someone who also works nights.

You’re in school or are working minimum wage? Keep dates inexpensive and fun. Locked into residency or an internship? Help arrange and pay for your significant other to come see you. Being a military man is your thing? Be open to long-distance or people who love to travel. Not meeting anyone at your all-female workplace? Date online.

Finally, don’t be married to your job. If you are choosing work over your relationship, you might not be ready for a relationship at all.

I’m not saying that choosing work first is always wrong—I’m saying that being married to your work doesn’t allow you to be married to a person.

So there you have it, three basic things to consider regarding your career and dating. Don’t let yourself be dragged down in dead-end jobs, or let yourself give in to the despair of a working-only life. You can create a work life that not only allows for but strengthens dating and marriage opportunities. Don’t forget, at the center of marriage, work, and all of life is Christ. Make sure to pray about your work life and be open to what He has in mind. He’s the only path to true happiness, after all.