5 Quotes on How to Love From Beloved Authors

Many of us have that one friend who says everything so perfectly.

When we're struggling to collect our thoughts or break out of period of self doubt, along he comes with just the right words to brighten our day.

Sometimes, that friend isn't just an old roommate or a cubicle-buddy. Sometimes he's a long-dead author of the books we turn to again and again. Especially in the single years, or at the start of a new relationship, when we're looking for more than love poems and platitudes, literary giants can become our favorite word-wise friends.

Sonnets are all well and good in their place, but for me sustenance is usually found in the voices of poetic writers with a Sacramental imagination and a compassionate tone.

1. "Few delights can equal the mere presence of one whom we trust utterly." —George MacDonald

Few delights can equal the coffee-shop date with someone who reads and loves the writing of George MacDonald as well. Keep his fairy tales close at hand, and take his advice to heart. Trust is key in every relationship.  

When we've found someone who is careful to earn and keep our trust, life is full of delights. But become that person of trust to someone else, well, that's when we know our life is turning into a living Alleluia.

2. "People are meant to be loved, not to be understood." —Oscar Wilde

He may not be the sort of man you want to end up married to, but Oscar Wilde is a wise, witty, and warm-hearted guide to the often perilous world of relationships. In these words, especially, he’s reminding us that people are a mystery. Women and men are not made up of buttons and switches. We joke about being ‘wired’ a certain way, but wiring is far from the reality of the human person.

If you go into a relationship assuming you understand the other person completely, you’re setting yourself up for frustration. There is no manual for the human heart. Even after ten years of marriage, I’m discovering more and more about my husband that I will never really understand. As Pope St. John Paul II writes  “A person is an entity of a sort to which the only proper and adequate way to relate is love.” So give up on solving the puzzle and enjoy the mystery.

3. "If you look for perfection, you’ll never be content."—Leo Tolstoy

Leo Tolstoy’s ability to understand and portray the strengths and frailties of individuals is unequalled. But don’t let his words fool you, Tolstoy isn’t saying you should settle for the next guy, or girl who comes along.

Leo had high standards and his writing underlines the beauty of marital happiness as well as the devastation of a failed marriage.

But absolute perfection isn’t going to be found on this earth. Don’t compare each potential date who comes along to a checklist of ideals. Seek out love, not some unreachable dream. Happy relationships are rarely found with the right person, they're found in amongst the messy struggles of daily life. High standards are essential, but look for them to be met in expected faces.

4. "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good as far as it can be obtained." —C. S. Lewis

Somehow C.S. Lewis gets away with saying the most challenging things in the most embraceable ways. Love isn't merely affectionate feelings—feelings are brief, changeable things. They're at the mercy of hormones, dreams, and even weather.

This means that love in the earthy, domestic sphere stays constant: forgotten birthdays, bad investment decisions, and all. For better and for worse. Love is about steadily wishing for, and working toward heaven—the ultimate good of us all.

5. "Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer." —Rainer Maria Rilke

Whether it's dating, starting a family, or trying to find your place in the professional world, no one understands uncertainty like Rainer Maria Rilke. His gentle voice is that friend coming back again to say “don't worry, you really are enough.” He means it too. You are enough.

There is no better advice during the turbulent dating years, “Be patient toward ... your heart.” This world can feel hard and lonely; but patience with yourself and your heart is key to getting through with joy and peace.