Science Says: 3 Ways To Be Happy

I ran across an article on the neuroscience of happiness the other day. I read articles like that every chance I get.

Because, you know, I like being happy.

I think it’s particularly important for us singles to pay attention to these things. Not because happiness is the be-all and end-all of our lives.  In fact, taped to my computer monitor is a “quote of the day” from 2008 that reads, “Our purpose in life is not to be happy. It is to matter.” I think “mattering,” doing meaningful things and making a difference in the world, will count for far more on judgment day than whether or not we felt happiness at any given point in our lives.

But, that being said, happiness is still important—if for no other reason than that, as radio host Dennis Prager says, happy people make the world a better place, and the unhappy make it worse. We accomplish more when we’re happy. We’re more pleasant to be around. We’re more effective. Plus, it’s just more fun to be happy than to be unhappy.

I think that singles have a particular challenge in this. When it comes to happiness, we tend to place all of our eggs in one basket—the marriage basket.  Different people are different of course. But so many singles, although they may have fun here and there, figure that they’ll only be really, truly, deep-down happy when they’re married.

Married people, on the other hand, have already figured out that marriage is not the single, solitary key to happiness. They get that there may be times when they have to make a deliberate effort to work on being happy.

I think it wouldn’t hurt us singles to do the same.

This article had four suggestions, three of which specifically applied to us.

1. Practice Gratitude

The first was to practice gratitude—acknowledging all of the good things in our lives. A good marriage isn’t the only blessing we can receive.  We may have great friends, or great jobs, or any one of thousands of other gifts from God. Thinking about them—and thanking God for them—is important.

And not just because it focuses us on the positive. But because it actually changes our brains.

From the article: “Feeling grateful activates the brain stem region that produces dopamine. Additionally, gratitude toward others increases activity in social dopamine circuits, which makes social interactions more enjoyable.” Dopamine. That’s the same neurotransmitter boosted by antidepressant drugs like Wellbutrin. Production of serotonin—another neurotransmitter associated with happiness—is also increased in the anterior cingulate cortex when we’re counting our blessings.

But I get it. Some days we don’t feel like counting our blessings. I’m alone and everybody else isn’t and it’s hard and it hurts and telling me to be happy because I drive a nice car just isn’t going to cut it. 

2. Label What You're Feeling

On days like that, we go to the second suggestion: label our emotions. When we’re in a negative mood, the best thing to do isn’t to deny it and try to smother it with fake positivity. Suppressing emotions doesn’t work.  What does help, however, is labeling the emotion.  Not gritting our teeth and saying “I'm happy, darn it!” But instead, simply saying “I’m lonely.”  Or “I’m sad.” Or “I’m scared I’ll never find someone.”

We don’t have to dwell on the negative emotion, or wallow in it for day. But simply naming it activates the prefrontal cortex, which reduces the emotion’s power in the limbic system. “Here’s the bottom line: describe an emotion in just a word or two, and it helps reduce the emotion.”

Way too easy not to at least try.

3. Incorporate Physical Touch

And finally, the third secret to happiness: physical touch.

I know, this is where the married people have a distinct advantage over us. But what we need is touch, not sex. And there are plenty of chaste, appropriate, non-sexual ways to incorporate sincere physical touch into our lives. Hugging friends, cuddling babies—even handshakes and therapeutic massage can increase our happiness level.

How much touch do we need? Apparently studies show that five hugs a day for four weeks increase happiness. I know—when you live alone, it may be hard to reach that minimum without hugging random strangers or coworkers, which remains socially unacceptable.

So do what you can. Hug your friends. Cuddle a baby when you get the chance.

Some will say: But we are Christians. That should be the only happiness we need. 

Of course, our Christian faith is an amazing source of deep joy. We are loved by the Creator of the universe. We are redeemed by his Son. We are filled with His Spirit. But He created us as physical beings, and we live in the physical world. Sometimes we need a little extra help. So He created our bodies and our brains in such a way that doing the right thing—feeling grateful, hugging each other—can bring us happiness while we’re here inhabiting these earthly bodies.

I say we take Him up on it.