Toxic Mindsets That Single Women Need to Let Go Of ASAP

Are you single and struggling to maintain hope that you will ever find a husband? Living as a single lady in today’s world can be discouraging. Don’t make it harder on yourself by adopting one of these toxic mindsets. 

“I’m getting too old to get married.”

Women feel their age so much more keenly than men. Call it the biological clock, “baby fever,” or the devil of comparison—women fear becoming old maids. I once heard a woman in her mid-twenties state that she was giving up on ever being married because she thought she was getting too old. It may seem like everyone jumps into marriage straight out of college, but that is actually a small majority of marriages. 

In reality, the average age for women entering marriage (for the first time) is nearing 34. And even if you are past that “average”, it is never too late to enter into a marriage. Yes, there is a biological timestamp for most women when it comes to “starting a family” in the traditional sense, but even that is not beyond God’s capabilities. Plus remember, a family can come through a number of avenues, not just through childbearing! Don’t ever count yourself out due to your age. 

“Guys only care about looks.”

While it is true that men are more visual than women, and therefore might notice a physical attraction first, not all men are attracted to the same “type” of woman. Plus, beauty is always in the eye of the beholder. This means that you should not ever write yourself off on account of your looks. Women are inherently beautiful due to our many God-given feminine qualities, and men of every kind are drawn in by those qualities. Yet, these are not just physical qualities. 

If you are feeling insecure about your looks, spend time cultivating your feminine heart. And maybe invest in some new clothes, not because looks are the most important, but because self-confidence is attractive. 

“All my friends have moved on from me.” 

This is a difficult one. Women, more than men, feel the ache of watching all their female friends get married and “start” their lives. This feels especially hard when you receive invite after invite to bridal showers, weddings, and baby showers—and you still feel “stuck” in the same single state. 

If this is you, my best advice is to parse these out. It is okay to send a gift instead of attending a shower in person if this is just too much for you to bear. Yet, it is still important to maintain holy, female friendships. Do not write off your non-single friends completely, but perhaps look for community with others in your same stage of life. Attend singles mixers, find an active parish community, and give of yourself in other life-giving ways. Rather than dwelling on what you lack, embrace all that you can give in this time. 

“God has forgotten about me.” 

Again, it is easy to see how tempting—and destructive—it is to adopt this mindset. When a woman laments her single state, she often blames God as the reason. Worse, she might find herself denying God’s loving care and plan for her life. “If God really loves me, He would send me a husband,” she thinks. 

This is both untrue and unfair. God will never, ever forget about you. Your name is written on the palm of His hand. Just because your prayers might not be answered in the way or timing you might expect, does not mean that God has forgotten you! God’s ways are not our ways. The timing may be a mystery to you now, but surrendering your will to the will of the Father is the surest way to true peace. 

“I need to do or be _____ to attract a man.” 

You could fill in the blank on this mindset with a number of things. Yet, compromising your morals, values, self-worth, or identity is never going to attract the right kind of men. Instead, try growing in contentment and confidence with who God has called you to be. It is only in authentically living out your own unique call to holiness that your vocation is found. Don’t lose yourself in the hunt for “the one.” 

Mindsets are an easy thing to slip into, and toxic ones are especially common when it comes to women and dating. If you’ve found yourself adopting one or more of these in your dating life, don't be discouraged! Hopefully, you now have a better grasp on how to avoid these toxic mindsets for women, or—if you have already adopted one of them—you now see the benefit and means to letting it go. 

I will end this with a favorite prayer attributed to St. Teresa of Avila, which you might consider praying daily or often in order to adopt a mindset of peace and surrender: 

Let nothing disturb you.

Let nothing frighten you.

All things pass away.

God never changes.

Patience obtains all things.

They who have God

lack nothing.

God alone is enough.