Advice for Singles You Should Ignore

In the Catholic world, there are a lot of different opinions and recommendations out there for single people who are looking for a spouse. Some of it is very valuable, but there is also a lot of harmful and damaging advice that can lead to unrealistic expectations and disappointment.

This bad advice can lead to an obsession with romantic relationships and difficulty finding peace in your current situation.

It is important to focus on finding the balance between being satisfied with your situation and actively being open to anything that may lead you closer to your vocation.

Here is a list of common advice for singles that can be ignored. 

1. When you finally surrender everything to God, then the perfect person will walk into your life!

This is false. When people say this, they probably mean well and are encouraging you to surrender yourself to God. And you should surrender to Him! But this becomes a problem when you are surrendering yourself for the sake of getting a reward. Everyone ought to practice surrendering to God but only for the purpose of drawing closer to Him and putting your life in right order. I have heard many stories at women’s groups or youth groups that usually end in this bad advice. A married person will say that they were waiting and longing during their time of singlehood, and when they finally gave everything to God, the perfect person walked into their lives, and they were married within 6 months.

While this is a very inspiring and sweet story, it is not always how life works. God does not withhold good things from us until we show that we are worthy.

The truth is that we are never deserving of the good things He gives us, and that includes beautiful relationships. Surrender is a beautiful virtue, and you certainly should cultivate it in your life. But turn your gaze towards God Himself and not the potential relationship you want. Maybe the right person will walk into your life when you do this, or maybe they won’t. Either way, the peace in your heart and life will remain if you are depending on God for the right reason. 

2. Your standards are too high!

There are rare circumstances where this advice is actually helpful. I have never met a Catholic whose standards are simply too high. This advice normally means you should try dating someone who isn’t practicing the faith or disagrees with you on fundamental values. There are cases where that can be ok. The person might be willing to come closer to the Church or might be open to changing their mind in certain areas. But, generally, if you have a standard, stick to it.

You can reconsider some of your criteria and discern if the standard you are setting is worth it. Most of the time, though, it is worth it.

If you have put thought and prayer into this standard, and if your conscience is telling you to stick with it, then don’t let this advice or your singlehood scare you. On the other side, always remember that no one is perfect and allow room for human error. It is only up to you and God to discern if the relationship is worth pursuing.

3. You’re trying too hard...

Sometimes this advice comes alongside the surrender advice. Both mean well, and it is a good thing to take a step back and relax a little if the search for a spouse is causing you anxiety. But remember that the search is part of discernment. It is important to respond to wherever God is calling you.

A lot of this does involve waiting and surrendering, but you can’t respond properly to God's call without doing your part to meet good people and actively take part in the search.

A lot of the time, preparing for your vocation means cultivating virtues, developing your prayer life, and deepening your relationship with God. The Blessed Mother, the Model of Vocations, prepared herself for her vocation of being the Mother of God by offering herself and her virginity to God early in her life. St. John the Baptist spent years of his life in the wilderness with no possessions before baptizing Jesus.

The point is, when you know you are called to something, or you think you might be, prepare yourself so that you are ready when God sends someone into your life. 

In conclusion, relying on God does not mean doing nothing, and it is always possible to find peace and satisfaction in a time of waiting.

If you ever receive bad advice or go on a bad date, don’t let it affect you. Work on yourself and grow in virtue while you are still independent and have free time. This will help you avoid discouragement and be confident enough to reject the next bad piece of single advice that comes your way.