How To Live Your Feminine Genius as a Single Woman

Is there anything that makes a woman’s heart swell more than John Paul II’s prophetic words on the feminine genius and the desperate need the world has of it? I can’t think of anything that makes me more proud to be a woman than hearing about our innate gifts of intuition, warmth, and the ability to foster relationship, and it simultaneously inspires me to put those gifts into action in some way shape or form.

Ironically, learning about my feminine genius naturally points me to the other (aka men), as it only makes sense when viewed in light of them (though now that I think about it, I don’t know that it’s irony as much as the wisdom of JPII). It is so fascinating to think of how God truly did create us for one another—men’s horizon and orientation to “till the garden” (Genesis 2:15) is a perfect complement to women’s ability to direct that focus towards the good of the person and relationship.

As beautiful as this complementarity is, as a single woman, it can feel somewhat defeating. I want my feminine genius to be present and use my gifts to bring out the best in men, but I’m not paired up! I have no significant other! Do I just put this feminine genius on hold in the relationship department until I meet Mr. Right? I can’t exactly call on a man to put work aside and go to his child’s soccer game if I’m not his wife...can I?

Finding a man isn't like finding a needle in a haystack

Though I’m not advocating for interfering in others’ marriages, I am saying that we can very much live our feminine genius in the here and now as single women, especially in how we relate to and call men on. Think about it, how many men do you encounter each week? Though we may groan and bemoan that there are no single men out there, there are in fact tons of men you encounter on a day-to-day basis!

Some are married, others are not, they range in all ages and sizes and levels of attraction, but they are there! From co-workers, classmates, your barista at your favorite coffee shop, your hairdresser (what would I do without Josh?!), fellow participants at daily mass, the gym…the list goes on and on! If you stop looking at men in terms of potential mates and just look at them for who they are, men, you’ll quickly realize how much your life is permeated with them (in fact, statistics point to over 50%).

I won’t deny it, our hearts yearn for that one man to whom we can call onto virtue in a heroic way, truly challenge him to be the best man he can be, and ultimately play the lead role in his sanctification. However, though as single women we can’t live that explicit role right now, we are always called to live our feminine genius in the world, both as single and married women, and I would argue that the greatest way we do this is simply to let the world know that women like us exist.

Let the world know you exist

A brief anecdote to make my point: a few weeks ago I was getting my hair cut by my trusted hairdresser Josh (seriously, what would I do without him?!), who was telling me about his recent break-up with his girlfriend of three years.

As he described his hesitation to get back into the dating scene, he expressed that he doesn’t even know what women want anymore, ergo he’ll hold off on paying for meals, opening doors, and even just plain initiating a date! I’m sure you can imagine my reaction (in case you can't—it was not good), and we spent the remainder of the appointment arguing over how he should or should not go about pursuing women, only to end in a stalemate (though my hair did look fabulous).

I left the appointment frustrated that I obviously hadn’t gotten through to him at all, as he was likely going to continue to passively pursue women at best, and before I knew it I had spiraled down into despair that this is the culture I’m up against and it’s no wonder I’m single! Fortunately, as I was telling a good friend about this encounter the next day, she spoke some much-needed wisdom into it (cue her feminine genius) and snapped me out of my despair by saying, “Abby, you were probably the first woman he’s ever talked to that thinks this way.”

Archbishop Fulton Sheen reminded us that men will rise to the standard women set for them in that “the history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women.” How powerful! What’s more, this applies just as much outside of the dating scene as in it.

How can we live our feminine genius in the here and now?

1) By being bold and having conversations that show our standards of men (even when they’re not well-received).

2) By reminding men of the human behind the task (with an orientation to till the earth, men can often lose the purpose of the task and become consumed by the task itself— making money for the sake of becoming rich rather than using it to provide for a healthy home life, women complement men in that we remind them of the human, or the ultimate purpose, behind the task).

3) By allowing men to be men and provide for us in the tangible ways that they know how (let the stranger open the door for you and give him a big smile!)

I think we so often don’t live our femininity boldly because of fear, fear that this is not the time and place and fear that I have no claims to or significant relationship with this particular person. Don’t ever shy away, thinking that your authentic femininity isn’t appropriate, or perhaps would be put to better use in another situation. Ladies, our feminine genius is needed always, in every context, in every situation in the world. It is a unique way that the Lord reveals himself to humanity, and what a gift that we, in a way that only women can, get to bring him to others.