I opened up the computer the other day and discovered something pleasantly shocking.
An acquaintance of mine recently posted on his Facebook account that he was engaged. The picture posted showed him beaming on one knee as his beloved clasped her chest in total surprise. The words under the image simply said, "It took me years to find what I didn't know I really needed."
Henry had been married once before. After his marriage ended in a very messy divorce, he lived serial monogamy with many women for just over a decade. He tried and tried to find another person to love—to complete him—but to no avail.
It was so disheartening to get a repetitive cycle of calls from him every few months; the first relating his elation at finding 'the right one,' and the second explaining how he had been wrong. Watching him go from emotional highs into the pits of despair was so sad. It was so tempting to offer advice and relationship tips rather than empathy each time a woman left him. It hurt to see him ride an emotional roller coaster that never stopped to let him off.
That's why I had to contact Henry when I read his FB post. He was quick to respond with a witty (and sarcastic) reply. You never thought I would find another, did you? Well guess I proved you wrong." I sent back, "No, you proved me right. You figured out its okay to admit when you are wrong." He replied, "Guess you are right. I can be wrong. But, I am not wrong about this one. This is nothing but right."
Sometimes you have to be wrong to get it right.
That's the lesson that Henry learned before meeting his fiancé. He learned that being truly human and ready for love means exposing your limitations; especially your belief that you are always right. Not only did he learn that lesson, but he chose to live it. He chose to present himself humbly while dating. He chose to admit he wasn't perfect or complete or the savior of the world.
It is so easy to think that one's beliefs, perceptions, and actions are totally correct, because we learn early in life that being wrong is—well just plain wrong. We are taught that people who get things wrong are dumb, or lazy, or irresponsible. We are told that success in life comes from never making mistakes.
These two lessons—people who are wrong are slackers, and you can't be successful if you make mistakes—set us up to hide our ability to make errors. Whether we know it or not, we strive to become perfectionists at everything.
What happens when we hide our limitations? We can become rigid, firm and inflexible. We diminish our ability to deal with situations that don't turn out as we intend them to. Our hearts become hardened. We screw up relationships at an alarming rate.
You see, to err is human. Humans can't know everything. But God does.
It's God's job to know everything and reveal it to us. When we admit that we don't know everything, we allow God to show us what is right. When we admit that we have limitations, God can help us see life beyond what we think is right. He can stretch us to become a person that is ready to grow and receive love.
God used Henry's limitations to improve readiness to expand and love. Somewhere between a failed marriage and this engagement, God helped Henry admit to himself that he was fallible. With the Creator's mercy, he stopped presenting himself as a 'perfect' man who could fix anything and everything.
Under God's watchful eye, he became humble and open-minded when meeting women. He learned how to talk like he was right but listen like he was wrong. And, for some reason, these changes made him more attractive in the dating market. Praise God!
Take the time to reexamine the benefits of admitting that you can be wrong by reflecting on these questions.
- Where did I learn to fear being wrong?
- What can I benefit from admitting I am wrong?
- When has the fear of being wrong prevented me from going deeper in a relationship?
- What does it mean to talk like you are right but listen like you are wrong?
